(Was introduced to BellX1 last night and I really like the simplicity of their song “Light Catches Your Face”.)
Parenting/Autism:
Jack and Lorelei’s swimming lessons are going AMAZINGLY. It’s shocking to me to see my kid zoom around the pool under water like an otter. It’s truly that feeling of my heart hurting with pride for him. Aside from my nightmares of drowning being subdued, it’s just great to see him succeed in an arena that he was so far behind in.
Jack’s teacher has experience with RDI, and has given me the number of someone in Chicago to call to see about finding someone in KC. My cursory refresher on the method makes me think it could possibly be beneficial, yet I’m obviously feeling reticent because I still haven’t called and I’m not sure why. Maybe because he’s doing wonderfully and I don’t want to go through the drain that therapies like that can do to expectation and hope? Or because I’m gun-shy to shell out the money after being thoroughly swindled by that guy in the DAN! program? Not sure. Navigating the world of autism sucks.
Took Jack to the doctor today. His cough was just some inflammation leftover from whatever cold he had recently, and after the doc gave me an inhaler to soothe the lining it was voila, cough-be-gone. I feel furthering contentment with my choices regarding health and my kids; my instincts continue to work, and I’m proud of my parenting.
Divorce/Emotions:
It will be final next week, and I think there’s more peace than people would think (though the point is that no one outside of it could know, so opinions altogether really in theory shouldn’t exist). We’re both dating, and our communication is still good. It took so much longer than I ever would have thought possible, but again, I think it was for the best as far as transitions for everyone.
And the thing is, I had talked to Jon months ago about permission to flesh out my feelings on here, but I’ve found since then that I just don’t have the desire, and in fact it feels like feeding some stupid gossip beast to do so. I’ve always been pretty candid about my thoughts, but I’ve changed a lot this last year, and though I know there is at least one person out there who reads this hoping for a kernel of information, the truth is that at this point, if we’re not friends enough that you would already know, you don’t need to. I don’t even say that snarkily. I’m just done with my life being the fodder for bored people.
I’m happy, I think Jon’s happy, the kids are more loved now than ever before – we’re doing fine, despite that the idea might shatter preconceptions of divorce.
Religion/People Who Suck:
Saw Bill Maher’s Religulous last week. My disdain for his arrogance didn’t wane with this, but I learned some history about the Egyptian religion (namely Horus?) and the coincidences of Christianity. I find it… disturbing that I had never learned this before. It appears to discredit a lot of the Christian tenets, and I think it should be researched by anyone claiming to be a Christian, not only to strengthen faith, but also as knowledge to arm yourself against a conversation with.. oh I don’t know.. a skeptic like me. Similar denunciations were found in the barely functional, unabashedly-conspiracy theoried ‘documentary’ Zeitgeist, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like a fool for having had the wool pulled over my eyes for so many years.
Thing is, I’m sure they connected some dots for drama, but most of this you couldn’t have made up. I mean, this is just simple history, but either I’ve never had that chapter in school, or it’s just not part of the teachings in the MULTIPLE DENOMINATIONS I’ve attended through the years. And I tell you what, but I’m basically done with organized religion. I’ve been leaning toward that for a while now, but after this last year and the things that have been said to me.. blerg.. I’m just done. Some of the meanest people I’ve ever met were Christians, and combining that with my own research on supercessionism and general irrefutable hypocrisies, and I’m just not comfortable anymore subscribing to something I think is at best flawed and at worst mythical.
So. Ok. Now that that’s out, let me amend to say I know I sound all types of dramatic, but I’m really not intending to. I’m just finally having the courage to say out loud what I’ve doubted in my mind for a long time. And even after that verbal diarrhea I’ll say that I feel agnostic about the whole subject. I don’t know what is or isn’t out there, and if in three years I’m somewhere else (or back), so be it. Shrug.
And… that’s all the semi-heavy stuff for today, I gotta clean. I’ve been craving more stimulating conversation lately, so if anything I’ve mentioned sparks a thought, please (please) feel free to comment (anonymously or otherwise), even if you disagree with what I’ve said. My commitment to the blog has changed as the catharsis of it has changed, and I’m leaning toward something that isn’t just simple updates. More topically-based, maybe? I dunno. If it doesn’t work I’ll go back to status-commenting on FB, but I’d like to see.
Let the wild rumpus start, and all that.
xoxo
8 comments
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Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Kyle
Hi Jen,
Stumbled on this blog from KCAP.
Just wanted to respond to your post about Religulous. I haven’t seen it. Don’t plan to. I can’t see how Bill Maher’s agenda would serve me or my family. But film, the right music to set the tone, and careful editing can be used to convince anyone of anything. I respect where you are coming from/going to in regard to religion, but spirituality (at it’s best, it’s what religion inspires in us) is about faith and acknowledgement that there is more out there than what our five feeble senses can tell us.
May God bless you on your journey.
Friday, July 24, 2009 at 9:29 am
Anonymous
You’re absolutely right about music and editing that can be used to convince people of things. Just look at how Ted Haggard was able to successfully tend to his flock for so long.
Lets not also forget about the power of early indoctrination, which for the American religious machine, normally starts before children can put together a coherent sentence.
Friday, July 24, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Fred Phelp's Neighbor
Humans didn’t evolve a critically thinking brain just to stop using it in lieu of ‘faith’. The idea of faith as the end all answer to every doubt is what eventually turns most critics away from Christianity forever.
Friday, July 24, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Jen
While I appreciate the replies, I want to make clear that we are/will be talking about commonly held beliefs, and not anything specific Kyle mentioned. As a friend I respect that she gave me her opinion, knowing where her faith lay.
That said, I am intrigued (and in full disclosure somewhat excited) to have a debate like this (assuming I don’t kill the thread with this comment) as someone who only recently has really thought from this POV.
The indoctrination aspect is the most compelling to me, with the idea that it’s a norm here – as a majority religion- but possibly no less crazy than the other American faiths that are called cults.
(Bordering on heresy, I realize, and my intent is not to offend, I promise. But this is how I feel and I’d love to continue the discussion if anyone else is up for it.)
Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 7:03 am
Casey
I’ve watched Zeitgeist, read up on Horus, read all manner of conspiracy theories, and the contradictions out there boggles the mind to the point where you don’t know what to think. I’ve read debunkings of the Horus story, but it’s hard to know who is lying without the proper research. Either people like Maher have fabricated the story to discredit Christianity, or Christians are lying when they say many of the connections are BS.
I have my personal opinions that I won’t go into now, but I will say that I personally feel more spiritual and content these days than ever before, and it is completely separate from any organized religion out there. Organized religion is a distraction.
Jen, feel free to send me a Facebook message if you want to talk more about these things.
Sunday, July 26, 2009 at 9:51 am
Anonymous
Frankly I just love the fact that there are so many people out there who define different or weird religions as ‘cults’ when in reality, all religions are in their own way a ‘cult’. But since some of them are bigger than others and have been around longer people tend to let the large ones pass them by. I by no means can explain the world to you…but these things are the reason I am no longer a part of any organized religion that tells me I am damned if I don’t think or live my life the way they tell me too. I have found more spirituality within myself knowing that there are things to be left unexplained and surrounding myself with good people who love me for me. I don’t know where I may or may not be going when I leave this world, so why spoil the now by worrying about it! Live your lives to the fullest people, however you see fit, and those who do or don’t believe…as long as we can respect each other for whatever we/they think there’s no reason to fight about who is right or wrong!! – Congrats Jen! You should be able to speak freely about anything and I encourage you to keep doing so!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009 at 3:59 am
misty
First – I always find myself saying, and getting in trouble – for pointing out the the Bible was once just a book written with some crazy stuff in it just like “Dyanietics” (sp?) the only difference being the Bible is 2000 years old.
I find modern religion suspect for two reasons: First, I find more often than not people refuse to live by their own basic pillars of belief. If we all truly respected and unconditionally loved each other, leaving God Almighty to judge – we wouldn’t be debating gay marriage, for example. We’d let God deal with it and its inevitable offense to his sacred sacraments. Second, modern religion has become a marketing and governmental machine. This frightens me.
Jen, you know how our home feels about such things. Me being a solitary practitioner of a pagan of religion and, well, Sam.
My most frightening thought is when we raise Maire to be an independent thinker and to seek out whatever path she finds peace in — those same people (and their children) who call themselves christian and righteous will ery well be the ones who give her the hardest time. I’ve found that to be true in my own life and experience. And I hate it.
As a side note, “God in All Worlds” is a book I love. It goes through the many tenets of stories and beliefs that have commonality throughout the world religions … it’s kickass. Email/Message me and I can give you the actual author, SKU etc. I can’t wait to read it with Maire…
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Jen
Yes please, mam.
And what’s funny is that I remember sitting at that little Italian restaurant in the city with you and Lindsey, discussing our three very distinct (though p’haps very not?) faiths, and I would now like to revisit every conversation I have ever had like that and do it again (which means you too, Casey). Not to try and save face, but to see how the convos would spin out feeling how I do today.
Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. Much appreciated.