T-minus 15 days, kids.

Until Where The Wild Things Are opens. Giggitygiggitygiggity I’m excited.

So, I got busted recently by a friend who accused me of falling off the earth, and I couldn’t really defend myself because I’m not sure if the writing’s not on the wall for ye olde Huzzah. It rolled through my brain yesterday while I was mentally writing a sarcastic letter to the makers of this product (the letter saying roughly that perhaps putting MENTHOL in a product made to be used around EYEBALLS might not have been the best idea) that I should possibly abandon this blog and start one where all I do is write letters to people. Shrug. We’ll see.

Until then, an update, more-or-less.

Work has been good. And crazy. And de-cluttering. Which is soothing. Which is odd to say about your job, but there you go. One of my latest projects is separating old files that go back before 1983 (!!). Holy batman but my relegated space to do this is filling up. The files are beginning to grow like moss onto other walls and furniture. And what you can’t see are the.. oh.. 15 other boxes out of the picture?

The kids are doing pretty well. We’ve started the token/marble earning system for good behavior, and it works pretty dang well, except that Lorelei has no idea what she’s earning or that she could/should start using those tokens to get things she wants. Jack uses all of his up for DS/Xbox time, and is learning the hard lesson of saving versus immediate reward. We’ll see..

Lo’s been extra-clingy lately, but I’m trying to roll with it. She’s not doing it always or to all of her loved ones, but when she gets her genuine sad look and asks for a 50th hug? Your heart breaks in half.

I also think what’s compounding my own sadness is that the best friend of some of my good friends died last week, and his service is this Saturday. Doug had a just-turned one year-old, and your mind can’t escape the what-ifs of that whole situation. He was a super, super cool guy, and my heart goes out to not only his wife and sweet babe, but also my friends who are hurting so deeply. I know that pain – and maybe not even as much – and it just.. friggen sucks. Blerg.

But my overall contentment is pretty even. I tentatively feel like maybe things are settling down and becoming less turbulent. Most of the wounds from all facets of the divorce have closed up, and I think most of the relationships that were going to be salvaged, were repaired. I love and feel loved again. That’s comforting.

So yeah.. I think that’s about it at the moment. I’m doing fairly well in my fantasy league, cool weather has set in, and RW/RR has begun a new season. Life isn’t too bad.

But now I gotta run and get the kids from school so I can give them a big hug and be thankful they’re safe and happy and healthy. Do the same with your loved ones.

Ten bucks for those who get it when I say I have the Picture Pages song in my head..

First, I’ve totally jumped on the Fleet Foxes bandwagon. This is “Blue Ridge Mountains”. Sometimes they sound almost 50s-ish, but I think this song taps into a CSN&Y sound, with Young being the main comparison to me. Regardless, it’s just a cool band.

So I don’t really have a whole lot of time to delve into big stuff, thus this will be another fairly simple post: updates and pictures. Like everyone else, things are just kind of flying along, with periods of quiet when I try to catch my breath and collect my thoughts.

[Speaking of, I've been thinking lately about the benefits of meditation. I get the point, but how does one center themselves smack in the middle of a stressful moment? Don't you need to be able to be still to access that tranquility? I'm curious.]

Things are picking up at work; I’m understanding things better, and for the most part it’s beginning to click. My doula couple is now technically “past due” [insert placemark for future rant here] and I’m never far from my phone  (of which I have a new one, and though I dig it, I’m obviously having a hard time mastering the dumb thing, as the picture of Whomp and me below attests).  Jack graduated from Kindy last week, and it’s simply surreal to think that three short years ago he was non-verbal. As in unable to talk or carry a conversation at all.  It’s just nutso to think how far he’s come, my sweet, tenacious little fartknocker. I went to a Killers concert recently (SO much fun) and hopefully will go to the Ben Folds coming up (come on out, Baby F!). We also have a float trip the first weekend in June (Seriously, Baby F, I’m not kidding.).

And that’s about it. We’re going to my ‘rents today for a cookout to celebrate a belated Mother’s day, and that sums up the rest of my weekend. Hope all is well out there. Ciao amicos!

…

I just can’t get over how she annihilates an ice cream cone.

Meg and I celebrating her birthday. Apparently in mime paint…

Happy, toothless Jack on the last day of school.

Things I know now that I didn’t before.

1. I learned today I’ve been writing the ampersand ( &) symbol facing the wrong direction.

2. I have the capacity for a lot of grace. Out of a hundred conversations, I’ve only had maybe a dozen people approach the subject of divorce objectively and/or non-judgmentally. I get that; I really do. It’s a painful thing all-around. But some of the things people have had the audacity to say to me are inexcusably out of line, and though I realize I’m sounding arrogant, I’m trying to say that I get why they said it. It hurts, but I understand the near-impossibility for impartiality.  People bring their own crap to the table when this subject comes up, whether they even realize it or not. This is definitely not something I would have known in any other avenue in my life – despite regularly making unpopular decisions -  so this really has been a pretty big insight into how people connect.

3. I apparently say the word “asterisk” without the second S consonant. I have zero idea why, since pronunciation is pretty important to me. I also can’t say ‘rear wheel drive’. My mouth sounds like I have palsy when I try to sound it out.

4. I am not so good, in fact, at the little details. I’m totally lying when I say that on my resume. I can spot editing mistakes because I’m a visual learner, but otherwise I’m a total cheddarhead.  Know what happens when you realize you’ve made a very stupid mistake after editing 6 images, making a preview sheet, printing aforementioned things off on expensive photo paper, making a .jpg release CD for the client AND burning back-ups of all your work? You feel like a total loser and start over, cussing that you numbered two of the images the same.  THANK GOD I’m working for a family that has six children. My boss is a father first, and must have realized he was taking another goober under his wing when he hired me.

5. I am actually capable of athletic competitiveness, even if it doesn’t actually include athletic ability. We played a team in kickball the other night that irritated me so much it was a toss-up between my desire to (as the catcher) sweep the leg of the girl trying to crowd me off the plate (seriously you asshat, it’s friggen KICKBALL) or just miraculously homer the ball and be carried over the plate by my teammates. Which means, of course, that I didn’t get on base for the first time ever in a game. Regardless, I reveled in this new feeling of aggression, and I’d like to learn how to harness it for rude people in customer service positions.

6. Most people probably are good at heart. The mechanic bought my car (sniff, goodbye sweet girl, you were great while you lasted) and is trusting that I’ll actually pay off the rest of my car loan  so I can get the title and give it to him. Kansas is wiggedywacked in this regard, and I don’t actually own my car until I pay it off. So I could take his money and run, and he’d never be able to sell the broken piece of crap in his lot, but he risked it anyway. And he gave me a fair price. Good guy.

6. I’m doing some on-line scoring for a company where schools send their standardized testing, and I actually was unable to qualify to score the writing samples of 4th graders in California. Apparently the rubric was just vague enough that despite hours of poring over examples, if they say Joey got a 4, I only gave him a 3. Or I thought Sally didn’t really understand her prompt and gave her a 1, but they say she got a 2. I had to match perfectly on 70% of my qualifying scores and 60% was the highest I was able to do. Holy batman I was pissed off.  So they put me on the next assignment, which is to score 5th grade math. If you know me, that’s pretty funny. But, as someone pointed out, I don’t have to actually DO this math. I’ll have the answers right in front of me! No ambiguity! Huzzah! And the best part is that I got a check for a whopping $46 dollars for that infuriating night I spent trying to qualify.

I got paid to fail people, and that kicks ass.

Surely there’s some philosophical lesson in that, no?

So.

I managed to.. hmm… bumrush an old friend, Anthony, into being a ‘jailbird’ for me when I was doing my stint at MDA, and now he needs to raise donations because he’s a nice guy (and happens to work in the call city I worked on). I had thought his company would just make a donation but, uh, I guess not. Zoinks.

So do me a favor friends o’mine and go here, to his donation page, and give him a dollar for me? Por favor? It’s for a good cause, all the money goes to the kids locally, and if he raises the full bail he gets a trip to Vegas, so I’d like to repay the favor for helping me out.

Thanks~

I’m in a sweet potato coma

So this will be quick pictures and a song d’jour (Creature Fear by Bon Iver). Congrats to Brandi on beautiful baby Harper, Shelly on her wedding tomorrow and Mike and Emily on their engagement! Hope everyone had a great holiday!

Pretty nails on chubby fingers, pre-clean up.

It’s tough to be the redheaded stepchild of the house. He’s so old and cantankerous he can’t even scrounge up the energy to run away, so he just sits and looks grumpy.

I embarrassed my friend by taking pictures of this lady’s car, but.. wow. This doesn’t do it justice, I swear. I don’t know how she compacted the vast amount of crap in there enough to keep her seat clear. It was.. wow. Really.

Requisite adorable kid inclusion, of course.

Every year we host the everyone’s-back-in-town Christmas party, and this one was especially memorable. It meant a lot to see those we did, and we missed those who couldn’t make it.  I’m sorry the quality is poor; I tried to clean it up, but methinks in retrospect our photog possibly wasn’t in a state to do the job successfully, though God love him he tried cheerily enough.

For Sammy,

Who would have named Maire Venkman if he could have.

I’ve basically been twittering lately, haven’t I.

Without actually having the capabilities to do so. I just don’t have very much I can talk about right now, but I know that’ll change soon, so uh, yeah. There you go.

Saw my beloved favorite New Yorkers last weekend:

Sam got some video of Lo hamming it up, and Maire’s cackling was the sweetest thing I’d seen in a long time. Love and miss you all, friends. It was great seeing you.

.

Let’s see.. Here’s a story that I realize has to be worded this way, but just struck me as such a colossal NO SHIT kind of obviousness:

Evangelicals, Republicans were biggest backers of gay marriage ban.

Whatever. Ridiculous all-around.

.

So officially I want to be Dooce. Well, I want to write like Dooce. I’m not the first to say it, either. I had a conversation recently about writing for fun vs as a living, and she flitted across my mind, along with the daydream of getting paid to blog. (Well, ok the last few months would be a poor portfolio, but let’s pretend this is a hiatus.) She is my current hilarious and self-deprecating writer heroine.

[Love the Fug Yourself girls also, but I have a harder time convincing people it's the writing that keeps me going back there, so Dooce lends some credibility. Snort.]

And I think that’s it for today, which is good, because I just looked over and saw Lorelei finger painting with my coffee on the white chair rail. Woot!

Happy Thursday, everyone.

:happy sigh:

This guy continues to be one of the most fun concerts EVAR. Thanks to J for going with me at the last minute, and sorry I missed you Jamie!

(Sorry for the shaky cam. It surely had nothing to do with the $10 beer.)

You know apathy is no excuse this election

OR: I steal everything from Jamie McJ (and should be paying her some sort of fee, perhaps).

So check your status and/or register to vote, before you miss the deadline.

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I’ve been sitting at the computer for about an hour now, trying to think of a cohesive way to talk about this thing that’s been weighing on my mind. Unfortunately, I can’t do it, because I can’t still my emotions long enough to decide what I think. But that’s not new, so whatever.

In the past couple months I’ve made some decisions about my life that are unpopular with some people. And it’s been so incredibly humbling to know that even if I think I’m right – or at least not categorically evil, there are some who will just never agree. Different worldviews, narrow minds, lack of empathy – it doesn’t matter. It hurts, because so much of my worth has historically been dependent on others’ approval, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

But in what could be called the most complicated time of my life thus far, I never imagined that in six months’ time I would lose four of the closest friendships I have, for reasons that range from valid to incomprehensibly cruel. It just never occurred to me that I’d have to deal with something like this on top of everything else. And let me tell you, the timing of this is almost comical it’s so poor.

And my first instinct is to be just.. furious. I value my relationships. I have an amazing memory for remembering the smallest facts about those I care about. I’m empathetic and non-judgmental. I’m an amazing friend. But.. when the anger fades, I am left admitting I’ve dropped the ball on close friends a stupid number of times. I have a habit of being incredibly self-centered, and some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned were taught by friends I had made think by my actions they didn’t matter. Because of that I’ve learned the comforting fact that real friends are the ones you can hurt, and they’ll forgive you, knowing you will do the same for them. But what I’m struggling with now is the realization that I don’t know if I can do that this time.

Usually I’m one of those people who thinks that some things probably happen for a reason (whether karmic or divine or simply as an opportunity to grow) but I don’t think there is hidden meaning in everything. So if someone else were explaining this to me, I assume I’d gently suggest that the main connection in it all sounds like them, so perhaps they have more culpability than they’re ready to admit. But, I’ve thought a lot about this, and I still come back to the fact that there was only one whose decision I respected. The others were all totally different (and shockingly selfish, for all three of them) reasons, and after this most recent time, well, I’m basically crushed.

Mostly this shit just hurts. A lot.

So I’m left with just trying to find the appropriate amount of energy to waste feeling sad, because really, it’s out of my control, and I think there’s only so much good that can come from perserverating on it. And actually, if I let myself go Philo 101,  I will guess this is just another example that my lifelong internal need for some sort of justice-compass is unrealistic and impractical. Sometimes life just sucks because it does, and not because there’s a reason. Luckily I don’t need this to remember that I’m still loved and supported by many; I don’t take my friendships for granted and appreciate that. (i.e., There’s no need for cheesy supportive comments, por favor. The rest of you out there are still my rocks, and this isn’t a pity party, just a sad vent.)

Really I think I’m writing about this because it just sort of feels like I’ve got a new pair of glasses on that are forcing me to change how I look at things, and it’s unnerving, and it makes me worried that the view will turn to cynicism as my life gets even more complicated. So maybe this is an attempt to convince myself that this is an aberration, and not indicative of anything else. Because I don’t believe that people are inherently going to hurt you in life.

But damn if I just want to have a better radar for those who will, because mine apparently broke.

So. Good times, good times. I’m sorry this was a downer post. Maybe as an addendum later I’ll tell what I learned from this, because there must be something. It’s all pretty fresh, so check back in oh, 2024 m’kay?

And to end on an attempt at a funny note, want to know the song coincidentally playing on iTunes right now? “Bullet Proof” by Radiohead. Awesome.

I bet that’s a sign of something. Like my amazing taste in music, most likely. Too bad for those who don’t get a Jen mix CD anymore, RIGHT?

Consumer geekaroid* and other tangents

Float trip recap:  It was cold and wet, and the river and campground were empty: I was in hog heaven. But, to prove irrefutably that we must be old, there were 13 people – average age… 29? – and after we cooked dinner on Saturday, we were all in our tents by EIGHT THIRTY. And given that Lo still likes to poke me in the forehead to wake me up at 6:15 most days, I wasn’t complaining, but still…

Secondly, my friend Rachel wrote a great post I had been planning to link to. She’s much more defined about the constraints of her faith, but I agree with the sentiment regardless. It taps into a lot of the cynicism (and hypocrisy) I’ve always felt trying to fit into what I consider the modern ‘American Christian’ mold, and why I’ve sort of decided to be done with it all, honestly. And I suppose I should explain a bit more, considering this is (for me, at least) a pretty big departure from where I was at, but truthfully, I’m just too tired to attempt to muddle through it right now. So let’s just say this election is evoking a lot of pent up frustration, and I’m feeling more outspoken – but content – about MY idea of faith, than I have in years and years and hm… well.. ever, really.

(Huzzah for self-actualization, eh? )

So, MOVING ON, today’s YTT clip is one of the funniest phone calls I’ve ever heard. Most of the lines are used in our group’s lexicon, so if you ever hear me call myself a ‘plump Scotch girl’, you’ll know why. There are a couple cuss words (i.e., prolly not safe for some workplaces), but you have to find a way to watch it somehow, because the best is at the end* when he thinks the phone has hung up..

Enjoy!

You know you need to ramp up your parenting awareness..

..When you are leaving to walk to school to pick up your kid and he shows up on the bus, instead. 15 minutes earlier than you thought school even got out. <<scratches head>> So yeah, Jon’s at back-to-school night, and I’m hoping we can go ahead and pin down exactly when school gets out. Seems to be a minor detail we should probably get straight.

[ETA: Turns out they yanked him early to get on the bus with the pre-school kids who get out earlier than regular school. So take that, parenting insecurities. I wasn't wrong after all.]

SO. I had a good weekend. Went out with a couple friends for a birthday night out, and spent a lazy Sunday relaxing. Thanks for the well-wishes here and elsewhere, this year was significantly better than last. Snort. And actually, it’s curious to me just how apathetic I was about it yesterday. It wasn’t the same.. eh.. validating need like it was then. Maybe that’s what old age does for you?

Next, the good news is I’ve started the job. Sort of. In spurts. I’m trying to ease the kids into going to daycare – which they love, HALLELUJAH – but after Jack’s meltdown when the bus showed up to take him to school today, here, at the house, I know I still need to take it slow. So, slow we’ll take it. But I tell you what, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this if I didn’t have flexible bosses and daycare providers and bus coordinators and speech therapists and occupational therapists and friends..

Right now this is my village helping me raise my child, and I am incomparably grateful. I want to acknowledge that.

And finally, random addition #1: A picture I just got of the float trip, taken with a cheap and foggy underwater camera. We called the (unknown and sort of.. green looking) kid posing in front ‘Minnow Man’, b/c he was hellbent to catch a minnow, and he had some serious ‘tude.

Random addition #2: While listening to Pandora, I was literally floored to discover I liked a song by a band I previously thought totally blew. The Get Up Kids are hometown KC darlings, and I’ve always hated their music (which strangely enough, diverged further with the side projects. I almost violently disliked Reggie and the Full Effect, but liked the New Amsterdams well enough). I thought they were overrated and monotonous. However, I have to humbly admit that I do like this song. It’s not mind blowing, but it’s definitely better than I thought they could do. It’s called “Is There A Way Out”, and in fairness to them as a mea culpa I figured I’d share it.

Happy Monday, everyone. Hope life is well.

[witty title here]

First, the bruise update: Still hurts to poke, but the intergalactic message seems to have faded, so I’m assuming my role as conduit is over.

Second is a random cartoon I think is funny.

Next is a picture of what a future neck-ache looks like.

Finally, a song for my beloved Team Awesome, who plays their last kickball game tonight. I think a little Andrew W.K.’s “Party Hard” is apropos, yes?

.

Have a good weekend!

Hallelujah I made cookies that are edible.

Worth mentioning, I promise. The last time I attempted oatmeal cookies I messed up, surprisingly, and they were bland concrete discs. I seemed to remember that it was b/c I didn’t have an ingredient I needed (or substituted a different sweetener that didn’t bake as well, who knows) so this time I made sure to – wait for it – plan ahead. I looked online for a ‘thin and crispy’ recipe and rounded up the kids for help. After lots of spoon licking and one-in-the-mouth-two-in-the-bowl raisin distribution, the cookies ended up fat and chewy instead. But they taste good, so I’ll take it. I’ve now graduated 1st grade cooking class.

[Total tangent: Let's take a gander at Brandi's post, which had the desired effect of making the cookie come back up just a little in my mouth. You're a clever girl - wait, I mean old lady - but I would like to submit this as an equal entry. (Bring on the Sinbad, H.Pimp.)]

So, how is everyone? Jon’s going out of town next week for a work lake trip (rough, ain’t it?) and so this weekend was completely Jen-centric. On Friday I went to a country concert with my friend Tami.

I don’t listen to country, so the bands themselves were innocuous mostly. But after a couple hours in the sun, the beer began to soften the shock of all the mullets, rebel flags and ill-fitting jeans. And don’t get me wrong, I have a long-standing love for some of my college cowboy friends, but most of the people at this concert were.. uh..

Well it was fun hanging out with Tami.

.

Saturday I went for coffee with the girls I’m friends with on the cul-de-sac. I’m glad I made it this month because I’ve missed many of our summer Driveway Drinks recently. I’ve just been a hermit, and it was good to catch up. My good friend across the street had her baby while we were in CO, and I finally got to see him. I LOVE squishy little newborns.

Last night I went to a birthday party with Megatron, and later we met up with her friends – one of whom I knew because he used to work with Jon. KC is so much smaller than you think, I swear.

(I know the angle is dizzying. It’s worse the other direction. I have no idea how this picture was taken.)

Finally, after some cuddly time with the halflings today, we’re going to meet up another family for dinner tonight. And including some overdue phone calls, this has been a really happy weekend for me. I need people almost as much as air, and I know that If I don’t get my head out of my arse and start keeping up my friendships, I’ll lose them. So those of you who think you’re in that camp, hear me say I know that. Playdates, emails and phone calls will be forthcoming, I promise.

Happy Sunday everyone, I hope you had a great weekend.

xoxo

Gah. I have nothing cohesive.

(I really shouldn’t become a professional writer. Who gets writer’s block for a freaking BLOG?)

Hmm. Let’s see. Random thoughts in no order:

• Happy birthday again, Sammy-me-love. Hope you and your beautiful wife had a great weekend.
• I am so excited for this I’m giddy. I think I might try the IMAX. I read a cool article in Wired that talked about Christopher Nolan’s ideas on it all, and I think it’ll kick ass. RIP, Heath. I hope if you get an Oscar nod/win, that it’s for the right reasons.
• Went to the T-Bones game this weekend. Such a fun (and cheap!) alternative to the Royals. Would be great for a date, or with the whole fam.
• Into Andrew Bird lately. Here’s Skin, Is My

• We visited my great-uncle this weekend, and I couldn’t stop looking at the huge folder on the back of his front door that said clearly “FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE REV. FRANCIS – DNR”. I mean, I wholeheartedly respect his wishes, and given that he’s uh, significantly older and not in the best of health, I think it’s not unwise to do that – especially if you’re a priest. But still. How incredibly macabre is that to have DNR staring at you all day? Ugh. Sorry. I don’t mean to sound glib. It was just incredibly disconcerting..
• Jack’s newest word is ‘disgusting’ (disgussing, really). He likes to call everything disgusting – from water on the concrete to the dog taking a nap to his carrots. We need to work on it a bit, methinks.
• Still looking to get rid off the asshat cat. Any takers now that he’s all fixed up? Eh? EH?
• Lately Lorelei likes to sit on your lap and while innocently staring at you with big brown eyes leans in and tries to pluck your eyelashes off. Sweet girl, this one.

Well, I think that’s about all the brainpower I have today. I hope everyone had a great long weekend. Feel free to tell me what you did – miss you out-of-towners!