Dear Verizon:

I love you and all of your helpful employees. Thank you for apparently paying them well and providing good bennies; they are quite pleasant and very helpful each time I’ve talked to them. Thank you for giving me a hotdamnnew phone for free and thank you for overnighting it to me so I can have time to get it ready for my trip. I was excited to have a phone that doesn’t have a green screen and computer notes for musical rings – much less one that takes pictures and videos. And so many pretty colors! And fonts I can read! And it’s apparently barely larger than a pad of Post-It Notes! Huzzah!

In closing I want to thank you for having some concept of Customer Relations. I plan to forward this to the jerkoffs at AT&T. This is one small step towards their demise and your future domination (please maintain your ethics when that happens).



P.S. Also, it would be helpful if you offered more choices for ringtones. I don’t want the Ying-Yang Twins or Fergie, despite the demographic at which you are mostly aiming. I actually have more money to spend than 12 year-olds, so you might think about expanding a bit. Just a suggestion, you rock regardless.