So let’s flash way back to college when I’m home on break, happily eating some Fruit Loops, and suddenly I feel immense pain in my lower molar. I get an emergency visit to some random dentist my parents see and end up needing a crown because the stupid metal filling I got as a child has totally eroded to the nerve. Now, I have had all types of ortho and dental work done; dentists don’t scare me. But this guy was so bad, and jammed that stupid ill-fitting crown onto my raw nerve so many times, that I finally grabbed his wrist (bawling, of course) and yanked his hand out of my mouth to make it stop. Top 5 most painful experience ever. EVER.

Now flashback to earlier this summer. Remember when I was stoked to go to this coolio holistic dentist and get my amalgams out? Well, guess what. She retired. Three days after my initial visit.

And now we’re at today. I go to a new guy recommended by the coolio dentist, and after getting charged again for an exam (after all, insurance just paid for an exam two months ago) he tells me I have to get so much work done that the cost after insurance is going to be $3,500. And payment is due in full at time of service.

I was near bawling on the way home because it’s going to cost so much. But I was also mad, because in all truthfulness these problems stem from the original MERCURY FREAKING FILLINGS put into my gourd 20 years ago. I haven’t had a cavity in forever but between erosion, that ill-fitting crown and the demineralization from nursing, I’m currently screwed. And I called my mom, b/c I know she’s had extensive dental work done and is usually very good about being the rational to my irrational, and she was really surprised at the cost. She thought that seem excessive for the work suggested, (which, btw, is *not* what coolio dentist said) and then had me repeat the new dentist’s name. She mumbled something about where the guy used to have his office and I almost slammed into the van in front of me when I realized something.

(Have you figured out where I’m going with this yet?)

New dentist-guy is old painful-dentist guy from college! AUAUGH! DAMNIT!

Once Mom realized who we were talking about, she updated me on stories why the guy’s horrible and told me to run – not walk – away from him, which is really not that hard to do, considering he’s been my mortal enemy for a decade or so and is apparently ridiculously overpriced. But that means that I’ll have to find another dentist that will hopefully respect the seriousness of taking out the amalgams properly (and fix the other two teeth), all while not charging eight billion dollars.

So I think now that I have TWO sets of X-rays and TWO sets of notes from TWO dentists I may go see my roommate from college and see if he’ll give me a professional suggestion based on the info and not because he has to charge me for a freaking exam. And maybe I can talk him into humoring me and using the protocol I want to take out the fillings, and everyone will be happy. And really, I don’t think I’m asking too much.

I’ll say it again: MERCURY BAD.