This is one of those journal-posts where I’m just trying to work out my thoughts. Please feel free to discuss if you have an opinion, but please be serious (that means you Church of Sam) and respectful, if’n you don’t mind.
I am in a weekly mom’s group at my church. Currently we’re reading a book by this guy George Barna who runs a research company (and happens to be a Christian). The discussion that followed today pushed to the front of my mind two of the biggest issues I’ve been mulling since parenting forced me to grow up and figure out what I believe: cultural diversity vs raising a spiritual Christian. I had an incredibly obvious epiphany that I realize has summed up my wariness of my views on faith and what it means in the current American Christian church. I am simply unsure about the inherent absolutism within that model. (And this is not limited to this point. I’m sure I’ll write a whole other post someday about my wariness of replacement theology, but I’m trying to stay on task.)
My experience with religion started as a child in Catholicism, and then as I got older and older ping-ponged between Fundamentalist, Southern Baptist, Charismatic and finally Evangelical Non-Denominational. Some of these churches I found on my own, but others were introduced by family or friends. They’re all fine, whatever, but what I discovered after so many years is that these sects focus on HUGELY different things, and there is an inherent sanctimony that comes with everyone believing they are right and everyone else is wrong. Sometimes it’s subtle, or more likely subconscious, but it’s there. It’s all absolute. And this makes me uneasy – it’s illogical. And I don’t think religion must be logical, but this is just contradictory. If everyone truly believes they are right within the constraints of Christianity then everyone must be wrong, because they cancel each other out. Right?
So some of you are saying, of course Jen, that’s the point. Toss the whole idea. But I can’t, because I believe in God, and for many reasons I feel I’ve been validated I have the ‘right’ one. And if not, then whatever It is is lenient with me believing otherwise. Either way I need to figure out where to go from here.
So in reference to today’s discussion, it’s important to me that I raise my kids to not be one of those segregated, narrow-minded, sanctimonious, self-righteous asshats that I’ve met so many times in my life. (Wanna meet some mean kids? Find a couple preacher’s kids. I tell you what, my experience is about 2-15 with that lot.) I want my kids to listen to Mos Def and read Nietzsche and watch American History X – and Malcom X for that matter – because to isolate yourself from people that are different is not going to make you an empathetic person, but an ignorant one. And this all seems so obvious, but I must be missing something, because the theme in the church is always about avoiding a poisonous culture for fear of negative influences. And I do get that. I don’t advocate my kids doing anything I just mentioned now, obviously. But as a preteen or teenager? I just see it as a disservice to isolate my kids from diversity, especially if I want to raise loving, empathetic adults.
And to me I feel that the Christian church model is counter-intuitive to that. And the epiphany really became clear when I realized that among all my competing schools of thought (Non-coercive attachment parenting vs boundary parenting or natural healing vs Western Medicine) the journey within faith is the only one set up so unabashedly as absolute.
And that makes me uncomfortable. But so does the fact that I feel uncomfortable, because that makes me wonder if I’m negating my own faith. I feel like it’s not supposed to work like this. What am I missing?
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Monday, October 1, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Casey
If Jesus came back today he would smite the denominations quicker than Babel. Make your body the church, and you’ll be ok. Ignore the squabbles about which way is the right way to baptize and all the other bullshit that is debated.
If you truly believe, then it seems to me to be as simple as:
1. Minimize the sin you commit.
2. Ask forgiveness for the sin that slips by.
But what do I know? I’m the guy who turned to agnosticism long ago, and is skeptical of Christian religion.
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Anonymous
It saddens me everytime you talk about your struggle with Christianity, or faith. I wonder what happened to you to give you such a negative view of christians, the church, or the faith. Are there “segregated, narrow-minded, sanctimonious, self-righteous asshats” out there? Sure. However, they are people. Wounded people. They are not the model of Christianity. The only model was Jesus Christ himself, and I don’t think there is anything negative you can say about Him. Everyone else in America, is wounded people trying to find their way. Within the Christian community there are so many different schools of thought on how to raise children. There are a ton of books by different christian authors. I do not think there is one christian model on “raise your kids this way or be wrong”. I feel like you have this view that you have to choose. Should your child be culturally diverse or a spiritual christian? Why can’t you have both? Where did you learn that you have to chose? I’m very strong in my faith and I watched American History X and thought it was one of the best movies I have ever seen. Some of the most empathetic, loving, respectful people I know, call themselves Christians. I think close minded, judgemental christians are the few……and you have let them taint your view of the rest of us. It really does make me sad.
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Cyndi
Oops…..didn’t mean to be anonymous. It’s me.
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 5:53 pm
sugar
wow. i was going to go along with you, but cyndi makes a very good argument. still, honestly, there’s definitely a reason for that bumper sticker that reads:”Jesus, protect us from your followers.” i want my kids to have “the best” that life has to offer, but i think that part of that “best” is allowing them to experience struggles, and hard work, and having to adapt and adjust to challenges. i think, as a parent, it is *so* hard to watch your kids have difficulties, as those that they will find in school, and elsewhere (obviously, based on my own recent experience, public school is weighing heavily on my mind)…but i believe it has the potential (if framed right) to make them kinder, more compassionate adults. the more exposure they have to things as children, the better i think they will be equipped to relate to other people as they grow up. *you* have to be the best teacher that you can. like casey said, “make your body the church.” i *really* like that. there’s so much truth in it, especially as a parent–we are our kids best examples of what a christian should be.
(this is not well-written or well-thought-out, primarily because i feel pretty passionately about it, and have trouble expressing myself coherently when it comes to things like this :). )
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 6:49 pm
jen
Ok Cyn. I understand what you’re saying (and love you for caring) but I am leaning towards thinking I didn’t explain myself well and maybe you missed some of my point. I know I railed against stereotypes, but I was specifically speaking of the church as an ‘organized system’ and less of ‘people are fallible’. My implication was that maybe there are failings of the church which shape some of these stereotypes.
It’s not about a specific parenting book or movie. I’m talking about an entire philosophical view (abstaining from cultural media or other un-Christian influences in particular) as a way to parent/raise Godly children. And that was just that example of the absolutism I mentioned. I probably should have been more open with the fact that I’m really researching a lot of things right now. I’m not anti-church. I’m just trying to decide what I think.
Again, this has nothing to do with my relationship or feelings for God. Just the fools who try and live by that – myself included. 😉 I’m just figuring it all out.
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Sweet Sammy
I’m noti a parent, but I know the ones I had did an awesome job of raisin gme in a religious household without negatingother points of view. It’s only now I relaize what a challenge and gift that truly was.
I grew up Catholic. Mass every Sunday and all the holy days. My dad was confirmed when I was in second grade, to better raise me in a home where we held one solid faith.
But our dinner discussions, my bedtime stories – everything my parent’s talked to me about when we talked faith (differing ways depending on my age, of course) was centered on “this is what we believe, but it’s not the only way.” My dad spun magnificent stories out of the greek, roman, norse and egyptian myths as the stars came out, debated with me and challenged me when we spoke about heaven and hell and purgatory and that maybe all that was rubbish – “cause see these people over here? They believe you come back – live again!” And never, not once, did he point a finger and say “wrong.” Just different. All the while teaching me what our family held to be true above all else. Not because it was exclusively “right” but because it was “right for us.”
And sure, yes, I later found something else that was right for me. Something that left Catholicism long gone. But what I’ll teach my kids is what my Dad taught me – whatever rules this world, whatever holds it – is so benevolent that he/she provided paths for every one. Not one is right or wrong, and all are based on the same principles of human love and kindness. Be free. Be kind. Be peaceful. And to whatever path offers you that, be true.
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 6:51 pm
jen
And as a P.S. I actually sort of agree with what Casey said about the denominations. I think many Christians have totally and completely missed the boat. And that’s not a very popular opinion in Bible-belt Kansas.
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 6:52 pm
mistybell
Damn. That was me, up there, Misty.
I assumed you might be able to tell – but just in case. 😉
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Sweet Sammy
The Church of Sam is no joke!!!!!!!!
How narrow minded of you. ha.
Seriously thou, I hear what you’re saying. It’s the problem with putting all your faith in an organized religion. I’m not saying don’t listen to what they have to say, but at the end of the day you’re listening to another human’s interpretation of events, stories and beliefs. Take from them what you want and then find your own personal relationship with your god(s). There’s nothing wrong with knowing your way is the right way while akowledging that it may not be right for everyone. Not all religions demand a my way or the highway belief system. I feel those religions that do aren’t grounded very well in their own dogma.
Or, to look at it another way… K-State fans are the only true college football fans. And while I think fans of KU are just silly and OU fans are a bit evil, at the end of the day, I’m glad I’ve met both groups and while I feel their beliefs are misguided and/or wrong, they’re still collge football fans and I’ll raise a pint to that!