Because I’m so (sortofnotreally) self-deprecatingly open about not knowing how to cook, I’ve been asked many times how my family eats. The answer is piecemeal, really. Lots of raw fruits and veggies. Nuts, cottage cheese, beans. Things I can handle. But when it comes to actual dinners or meat H.Pimp does it, because he has a flexible-enough job that he’s usually home early, and he does enjoy cooking. He’s good at it. For the most part it works – and really, if it weren’t for gender stereotypes, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal.

It’s just a fact that I’ve never really liked cooking or baking. But the older I get (and the more research I do regarding Jack) the more I’m realizing a factor could be just how my brain works. I’ve tried to explain before that when I’m trying to do math problems, my brain.. slows down, like your computer when the tower starts whirring and your page loads slowly. I can actually tell that I’m unable to process the information. And I’m talking about the things that are usually logical in-your-head kind of things. The things that you realize after graduation really are applicable to everyday life. It’s those multi-variable equations that my brain can’t do.

So last night we had my parents and a family friend over for dinner. And despite feeling relaxed, I still managed to become overwhelmed with figuring everything out. All the things I needed to attend to (various stages of food preparation, kids, drinks, socializing) sort of canceled each other out in prioritization, and I ended up not doing any of it well. And sometimes I feel like a stupid deer in the headlight, unable to snap out of it enough to just tackle one thing at a time. Too much input. I mean, I made cookies the other day and somehow messed up the butter. Or I wasn’t paying attention and put the double amount of flour in. I dunno, but I have a whole bag of very sweet pieces of concrete. And that doesn’t happen to people past 5th grade. Most people can do that by their 30s.

I’m sure some of this is just my impatient nature with small details like, oh, measurement specifications. And also the fact that I’m just not an intuitive cook, which doesn’t bother me in the least. But I promise there’s more going on beyond my control, because there are times when I really do want to try and cook a wonderful meal, and I still can’t do it. There are some serious synapse mis-firings in the part of my brain that assimilates information and prioritizes. I notice it every once in a while if I’m driving in an unfamiliar area and I need to make quick decisions before I feel like I’ve figured everything out. But for some reason it’s the kitchen that this is most prevalent, oddly. And I’m sure practicing that will help, and I bet I can find exercises to strengthen that part of my thinking, but boy do I feel for those who are destined to eat at my house.

(Sammy, you and Matt and Cyndi are lucky you had to eat the same meal every week for 4 months. It’s one of the few I can do. 😉 )