These are more for posterity than entertainment for you all. (Though if you know Jack, these are much funnier when you can imagine his loud and fairly monotonous voice.)
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Me: Hey, hand me the clicker so I can turn off the television.
Jack: It’s called a ‘remote’ Mom.
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Jack: Look over there!
Me: <looking the wrong direction because I’m driving and didn’t look back>
Jack: <sighing loudly and patronizingly> No, honey, look at where my finger is pointing if you want to see what I’m talking about.
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Jack: <yelling across pool (lifejacket strap snaps between his legs)> THIS SEATBELT IS HURTING MY P____ AND BOTTOM! I’M GOING TO LOOSEN IT TO GIVE MY P____ MORE ROOM!
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Jack: <yelling across the pool after I’d hurried over to talk about telling me things quietly> HEY MOM I’M PRACTICING BEING QUIET. DO YOU HEAR ME PRACTICING BEING QUIET? DO YOU HEAR ME MOM? SHHH YOU NEED TO BE QUIET, MOM. YOU NEED TO PRACTICE BEING QUIET LIKE I AM. OK.
8 comments
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Thursday, July 17, 2008 at 4:41 pm
jenndavo
Thank you for censoring the dreaded p-word! I was quite scandalized by its last appearance on your blog. Why, I’m getting the vapors just thinking about it! π
And thank your lucky stars that Jack didn’t turn into my brother, who spent his 3rd and 4th years idolizing Jenny Craig and shaming chunky people at the grocery store. “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. See her? That lady, with the cookies? She doesn’t NEED any more cookies. NO COOKIES, LADY.”
Thursday, July 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Jen
Oh Special K, the stories I’ve heard about you..
And the reason for the censorship? The freaky shit that people have searched for that have landed on my blog.
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 1:50 am
Brandi
That’s how I found your blog to begin with.
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 10:15 am
SS
There’s nothing worse than not having room for your penis.
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 10:58 am
Megan
I’m glad you added the lifejacket story, b/c if you hadn’t I was planning to.
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 1:40 pm
jenndavo
Special K’s all growed up now. The little turd’s getting married in October.
The best part? Both the “flower girl” and “maid of honor” are 22-year-old men. They still plan on wearing dresses. Photos to come!
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Jen
…. you must be kidding me. What do Deb and the Colonel think of that?
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 3:18 pm
jenndavo
Deb’s just happy to see a wedding. Her children have been living in sin far too long — she’s ready for K to ‘buy the cow,’ I think. π