These are more for posterity than entertainment for you all. (Though if you know Jack, these are much funnier when you can imagine his loud and fairly monotonous voice.)

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Me: Hey, hand me the clicker so I can turn off the television.

Jack: It’s called a ‘remote’ Mom.

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Jack: Look over there!

Me: <looking the wrong direction because I’m driving and didn’t look back>

Jack: <sighing loudly and patronizingly> No, honey, look at where my finger is pointing if you want to see what I’m talking about.

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Jack: <yelling across pool (lifejacket strap snaps between his legs)> THIS SEATBELT IS HURTING MY P____ AND BOTTOM! I’M GOING TO LOOSEN IT TO GIVE MY P____ MORE ROOM!

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Jack: <yelling across the pool after I’d hurried over to talk about telling me things quietly> HEY MOM I’M PRACTICING BEING QUIET. DO YOU HEAR ME PRACTICING BEING QUIET? DO YOU HEAR ME MOM? SHHH YOU NEED TO BE QUIET, MOM. YOU NEED TO PRACTICE BEING QUIET LIKE I AM. OK.