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Hmm where to start, where to start.

So I’ve moved back to the neighborhood (more or less) that I used to live back in my other life. And I’m going to the old stores and driving the old streets, and there are times where I’ll zone out for a second and suddenly wake up and immediately think what the hell am I doing here – this isn’t where I live. But then I remember I do again, and that’s just sorta weird. I see people I used to see and it all seems sort of foreign. It’ll be normal again soon, but for now it’s kind of like purgatory, if I’m honest.

And of course, because I moved here for the sole purpose of keeping Jack in his school, ‘discussions’ about switching school districts to Jon’s new neighborhood have been stonewalled, and probably will be for a while. Things on the communication/respect/co-parenting front seem to be getting worse and worse as our lives diverge further. It just fucking blows, to put it simply. But I guess even the best of intentions and relationships can disintegrate when too many priorities conflict, and with each thing that comes up that makes me wonder who in the hell this person is now, it also simplifies my role as mamabear first and foremost within that interaction. It will get better or it will plateau at this point. But so long as it doesn’t get any nastier and involve court, I can deal. C’est la vie and all that.

I’ve been at my job now for about a month I think? It’s well. I like it and I’m good at it. Whodathunk, eh? I think the idea of getting my first full-on full-time job in 8ish years, a week before I was set to move, was in retrospect a very stressful thing for me. But it’s always odd to me to see how I compare stressors in my life, and how even despite not sleeping well because my brain is in high gear trying to just simply remember everything I have to do, I’d still prefer this over the past couple of years. Or even the year surrounding Jack’s dx or Lo’s birth. Things are falling into place, and as one ladder rung begins to stabilize, another builds on that.

All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.

BUT SPEAKING OF LADDERS! Went to the lake this weekend. I could use this as a tangent to rail on the UTTER and TOTAL inadequacy of Lake Jacomo’s campground and marina, but I’ll just say that aggressive raccoons + teenagers giving directions + broken pontoons + smashing fingertips +  boat ladders + emergency room visits in bikinis + pre-dawn thunderstorms and no rain tent cover = surprisingly a lot of fun. Though maybe not for Tami who had to have her sutures put through HER ENTIRE BROKEN AND FLAPPING FINGERTIP TO KEEP IT SEWED ON.

(I’m squeamish about very little, but I heard the doc describe that and I saluted them all and walked out.)

(..And what are you eating for dinner tonight?)

Hmm. Brandon’s mom mentioned taking us all to Disney World in the fall, and though I’m totally itching to tell the kids, I won’t yet, because Jack’s head will straight pop off from excitement and perserveration if I did.  I mention this less because it’s a future vacation I might take with my family and more because my sister and I watched the Harry Potter trailer and I am excited about possibly visiting the amusement park they’ve opened up. Yeah, I said it. I am.

But speaking of my sister, she’s working with me for the summer doing a filing kinda thing, and I’m so happy to have her there. She’s a cool chick and I’m old enough to know that this might be the last time we have concentrated time to hang out before she finishes high school (she’ll be a Senior this year. Truly. My baby sister is a SENIOR in high school. It’s nuts.) and goes to college. She was mentioning an art school in Seattle and I told her to do everything in her power to go as far away from home as she can while she’s young. God, the older I get the more I wish I had had wanderlust when it was more convenient in my life. I could never have been Alex Supertramp, but something closer to it than I was would have sufficed.

So that’s it. Really it’s just been a long day. And as I was driving home and some dumb teenager on her cell phone with white sunglasses pulled across FOUR LANES OF TRAFFIC to decide she needed to go left instead of right – with no blinker, which actually was the cherry for me on the whole thing, – this song came on (‘It’s Thunder and It’s Lightning’ by We Were Promised Jetpacks), and I cranked it. And I know I’ve linked it before, but this really just encapsulates my feelings on my life in the past few years. It doesn’t make me angry or sad or pumped. It is simply a song that I turn up really, really loudly.

Happy Tuesday. I’m opening some wine if you’d like some.

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