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(Blitzen Trapper – Furr)

So hi. I really don’t have anything clever to say. But yesterday was my birthday, and I feel compelled to at least attempt to note major milestones. Unfortunately there’s nothing really that interesting or funny to say about it (except for Jack’s declaration of happy firdy free, old lady Mom. And Lorelei’s singing Old McDonald had a farm. Jingle all the way! But that was all of, what, two sentences?).  I was made yummo french toast and strawberries with homemade whipped cream, Jack started second grade, the weather was absolutely perfect, we went to Powell Gardens, and overall it was just a wonderful day.

The best birthday I’ve had in years, actually.

It’s been a pretty damn good summer overall, really.

Dig it. Saw this as a blogmemeideawhatever, and I’m totally stealing it because I love having an excuse to write my posts as lists. Onward ho.

1. I, too, just got the new Buzz for gmail, and see now why my friend said it was becoming goobook. I love me some google, so I’m down. (I was also a wave behind some friends on the new FB layout, and I gotta say it feels a wee bit like being picked last for teams again in junior high.)

2. I’ve begun to edit a book in my spare time for a very nice gentleman who is in a writer’s circle with a friend. The money I make will be nice, but more than that it feels good to use my brain in a comfort zone; getting paid to (essentially) read books would be a cool profession to work toward.

3.  A dear friend from college is back in town for a few months, and is pregnant with her second child. Seeing her and being there for a prenatal visit has me more excited than I’ve been in a while about birth. I’ve been decidedly on hiatus with Bradley stuff, mostly b/c I feel like I shouldn’t be teaching impressionable first-time parents about what is often one of the most important days of their life, if I don’t have my shit (al)together personally. I have the knowledge and the passion to teach, but I don’t want to do it half-assed, and something just doesn’t feel right at the moment to try and pretend I can give them the focus and attention they deserve. Soon hopefully, but not yet. At least not for strangers. However attending births as a doula is a different thing, and I’m itching for another one. We’re coming up on a year since my last birth, and I’m getting baby crazy again. Either way, I’m hoping to take E with me to the next birth conference; the key speakers will be uhmaaaazing to see.

4. Divorce sucks. Even when you can pat yourself on the back for being amicable, it’s a messy, tiring and trust-eroding event that doesn’t simply end with the court date.

5. That said, we have Jack’s conferences tonight, and I am proud that we can have periods of pretty wicked fighting, but still remember what it was like to be friends – enough that we can put it aside and work together on things involving the kids. Co-parenting (aka My Not Having Full Control Over Every Aspect Of My Children’s Lives) has been the hardest part for me, hands-down.

6. I need to set up a new paypal account so I can renew my imbedding space so I can actually imbed songs instead of sending you to youtube to listen to the song “Sweet Disposition”. It was in the previews for 500 Days of Summer, so when it became popular recently I immediately remembered liking it. I’m sure I’ll tire of it pretty quickly, especially if it’s getting radio play, but until then I LOVE IT. Even with the U2 sounding beginning. I’m such a sucker for pop.

7. My boyfriend and I have the opportunity to piggyback on some friends’ vacation to San Francisco in May, and I’m trying to finagle finances to make it work. Mama needs a vacation, people.

8. Soon I will update the kids’ dictionary, but I’ll start (and publicly remind myself to do it) with Lorelei’s saying yets instead of lets, and Jack’s version of glubs instead of gloves. Heh.

9. My friend Liz and I are starting a business where we write or edit dating profiles for people. Not sure how it will go, but how awesome would that be to not only make enough money to work from home but ALSO bring couples together, one dating site at a time? Huzzah, right?! Win-win in my book, so head our direction for help, por favor.

10. And that’s it. I have the squiggly lines in my vision that prelude a migraine (possibly from navigating Buzz), so I’m going to say goodbye and happy Wednesday. Hope all is well in your worlds.

Here’s the truth. For weeks now I’ve been trying to think about how to discuss a topic that is ready to be announced, but in proportion to the complexity of the whole thing, I’ve come to realize there is no simple way to announce that Jon and I are divorcing.  Even typing and reading the word is hard, despite that this has been going on for over a year, and much of the pain of it has already been absorbed. (Well. As much as can be at this point, I think.) And I only mention it now because out of respect for Jon and the kids, I’ve only blogged about maybe a third of what’s really been happening in my life in the last several months, and I’m ready to have the freedom to talk about more.

That said, this won’t become an outlet where I bash Jon. I respect him now as much as I ever did, and this isn’t a nasty situation. Nor will I  discuss details beyond some vague philosophical opinions I have on society and marriage and expectations. I have become ridiculously cynical in regards to people feeling like they have inherent entitlement to the whys of my life (seriously, the latest abject condescension from my insurance guy has depleted the last of the grace I can give to that kind of discussion), and I’m just done feeling obligated to anyone outside of the family, really. More than that, we have many of the same friends, and I want to continue what Jon and I have managed to salvage from our foundational friendship. So from that side of the equation I’ll say that I’m proud of how we’re handling it, and that the kids are doing remarkably well. There is a very large, very loving village raising them. Things really are going to be fine.

So that’s it, I guess. I don’t really have anything else to talk about today, and since this is historically an incredibly uncomfortable conversation for everyone, I’ll just end this like I would an awkward phone call where I say my kids are squawking to go to the park, so let’s get together for coffee soon, because it’s been too long.

Seriously though, the people who support us are our buoys, and my gratefulness is immeasurable.


I may try and get my bum in gear to be more creative here. I’ve always missed the NaBloPoMo dates, and this next month’s theme is LISTS! I heart lists. So, I’ma try to attempt it.

Surely you’re not as excited as I, but you’ll still come check, won’t you?

Until then, (which is when, tomorrow? Hmm) I hope everyone has a great weekend. And thanks, AGAIN, to Jen-Nay for the idea spark. You all know we have the same name and college major, right? Surely there’s a reason we bounce off each other. 😉

(Idea stolen directly from Jen-nay. Gracias.)

OK, the assignment is to give yourself practical advice from a time in your life you might have been lost. This was interesting to me, because there are a couple time periods I could think of to reference. Ha. But high school was probably one of the times that most shaped how I began to think of myself. Soherego:

1. Don’t become friends with Sarah Bradshaw. You had fun with her, sure, but she was not a healthy person, and was a really bad influence. You’re lucky you graduated, you skipped so often. If nothing else, your non-existent study habits kicked your ass in college, where the literal and figurative cost was so much higher. Plus she totally went over the edge in the dorm and stole all your Hormel chili before you moved out.

2. Turn in the guy who owned the Baskin Robbins to OSHA and CPS. He had no first-aid kit and had you working until 11:30 on school nights when you were 15. That’s illegal and he was an ass.

3. Don’t let Jaime Grace get to you. She’s mean and not worth it.

4. Make a commitment to choir. Don’t skip that concert as a Sophomore so you can go with your dad to a band practice and meet a cute boy. You could have been in Chambers if Solley could have trusted you. Don’t be stupid, you love choir.

5a. Try and get a scholarship. They have scholarships for everything, if you’ll just look, you idiot.

5b. Study and try harder on your ACTs and SATs. Don’t fall asleep in your SATs, because even in the reading section, it doesn’t bode well.

6. Do Not date Andy again. The first go-round should have given plenty of warning of character. You will lose years to this guy, and the fallout will set a pattern you fight forever.

7. Get involved with drama earlier than Senior year’s Jesus Christ Superstar, it would have given you confidence. You obviously have an inner actress you’d like to tap into (snort), since you asked the student director if you should act unsure when the crowd is calling for blood. You were follower number 12. Your job was to fill the stage. She barely contained her laughter.

8. Find a way to hang out with Faye Biggerstaff more. She was one of the few genuinely kind people in a sea of sharks, and I think she would have kept you grounded a bit.

9. Hang out with Nammere more while you have the chance. Don’t misplace the story you wrote about her life, there is nothing more fascinating than living history, and you will always regret it deeply.

10. Talk more to Kate.. whatever-her-name-was. She knew she was different than everyone, and suffered as an outcast of sorts. But it takes courage to be that way – specifically in high school – and she was very interesting. Decide to remember her last name. She deserves it.

11. Don’t go to Homecoming with Matt Ross. It will be a freaking nightmare. Dinner, the dress, his stomping on your two-hour-old broken toe, his crying over his ex. NIGHT. MARE.

12. Give yourself permission to acknowledge this is just a shitty time of your life for reasons beyond your control. You’ll get through it and will be more sure of yourself.. later.

For the first time since high school the weight on my driver’s license is not a lie.

I’ve been tagged again. 8 things you don’t know. Seriously, in about 6 months you’ll probably know my SSN – I’ll have nothing else new for you.

1. Apparently my love for M.Damon has been around longer than I thought. Yesterday when looking up my credit report, my secret question was favorite movie. Usually I pick the obvious question like maiden name or school mascot – if nothing else so H. Pimp could answer also. But that was my question and I blanched, trying to think of what I would have chosen back whenever. Goonies? Karate Kid? Some Kind of Wonderful? But when I asked myself honestly, the answer was Goodwill Hunting. And tadow! That was the answer.

2. [Warning: Parenting TMI. Stop if you’ll get grossed out. ] Yesterday I put some baby oil on Lo’s head and let it sit for a while, then while she calmly watched some Sesame Street I combed out most of the cradle cap she still had left. It was both repulsive and compulsive.

3. I really don’t like Christmas music a whole lot. Maybe because it’s the same songs again and again, but I usually want to stab myself in the ear by December 31st. The two exceptions, without fail and in perpetuity, are Carol of the Bells and O Holy Night. I get chills every single damn time I hear those songs – if they’re actually people. No muzak, thank you.

4. My mom unknowingly bought Lo an outfit from Jay Z’s Rocawear children’s line, and as truly adorable as it its, I simply cannot stop laughing when she wears it. I’ve been trying to teach her to brush her shoulder off, to no avail.

5. We’re pretty close to selling our dust-catching elliptical in the basement, and the thought of someone bringing me cash to take clutter out of my house is filling me with a profound excitement. I’ve noticed the last two days that I’ve subconsciously been scrutinizing items all over the house. No wonder people get addicted to this process. Watch out, dog. (I kid! I kid!)

6. We’re still debating whether or not to put up a Christmas tree. Truth is, we don’t really have room for it anywhere, I’m not looking forward to a climbing toddler or asshatcat, and it just doesn’t do much for me. Jack’s never known or cared, so it’s been a few years since we’ve done it. But apparently we are horrible parents. I’m shocked at the number of people who have openly told me it’s not cool to Jack. My MIL told me that Jack told her “our Christmas tree is outside.” She acted hurt, like maybe we were so cruel as to put it in the landscaping, laughing maniacally and dancing around it while Jack looked out and cried with his hands on the windows. Gimme a break. I don’t know what in the hell he was talking about. He could have been scripting from Charlie Brown Christmas for all I know. He hasn’t said anything to us. And it’s not like we’ll never do one again (though really, it’s a stupid pagan ritual anyway and I could forgo most of the consumerism of this holiday and still give the kids tradition, but I digress). Sigh. We’ll see.

7. One time a few years ago one of Jack’s lashes fell out and when I taped it and measured it, it was an inch long. Fo’ real. The kid’s got creepy long lashes. Well, somehow – despite the fact that I for once was truly not trying to exaggerate – when it came up I told people it was two inches long. I can’t think of the number of people I swore it was two inches long to, before finally realizing this past Thanksgiving how patently absurd that is. It just never occurred to me that the number I had been throwing out was impossible. And now I wish I could remember how many people I’ve told that to so I could send out an addendum with the real number – which is plenty impressive without the need for exaggeration. Man, I can be such a moron. For the record my name really is Jennifer.

8. When Jack stands up to pee in the toilet he leans forward but throws his arms straight back like a ski jumper. Give him some goggles and he’d be good to go. Funny little dude.

So there ya go. Not all about me, but new info nonetheless. I tag Tuck, Tracy, Lauren, Jamie McJ, H.Pimp, Jen-nay, Casey and Mads.

So surely you’ve seen the meme game where you list obscure things about yourself. I totally dug them when they were running around myspace, b/c how fun is it to talk about yourself, er, well, you know. However, I’m seriously running out of things to say, especially since I talk so much there’s nothing you guys don’t probably know about me. But I like Alissa, so I’ll do it. I *refuse* to create a meme tag, though.


1. I have no waist (or hips), and pants are forever falling off me. Most of my clothing will slide right down my bum if I run long enough. I am literally a box.

2. To steal Alissa’s thought: I too love eating out of all kinds. I associate it not only with the luxury of frivolous money, but also a release from my dreaded kitchen. I’m a snob about organic food until you offer me some Taco Johns. YUM.

3. Sometimes I entertain the thought of moving away with my family so I can start over. Like I could shake off the old me and start new. I think it’s a valid idea for some people, but for me it would just be running, and that’s not going to solve anything, so luckily I’m (somewhat) wise enough to realize that.

4. You know the blackness behind your eyelids when you close them? When I can’t sleep at night I take the covers off for a bit to get chilly, then re-cover myself and try and visualize going down a slide tunnel (think tube slides on the playground) or a galaxy wormhole with that blackness. If I concentrate long enough to actually visualize sliding down the tunnel, I will be out immediately.

5. I have such a stupid sweet tooth I will eat things I don’t really like just because it has something sugary on it. Like cheesecake. It actually skeeves me out, but put some chocolate and toffee bits on it? By all means gimme some! Blech.

6. I love the smell of tequila. I’m at least grown up enough that I can’t just drink it (alone) for fun, but I still love the smell. I know most of you are retching, and I agree. I’m like that will all other alcohols. But something about tequila, I dunno.

7. I talk a big tomboy talk, but really I’m a kinda-poser. My friend Cyndi is a fo’real football fan, but I learn just enough to sound smart (I have to. My husband was a sports writer. Our first fight was why I didn’t understand the difference b/w a baseball hit and run. Jerk.). But we’ve been watching HBO’s Hard Knocks about the Chiefs*, and I’m actually really stoked about this season. I tell you, add some music to make it montage-y, have Paul Rudd narrate and I’ll love anything. Yum.

8. I have an old, curmudgeonly cat named Lucky. He’s so obnoxious (….how obnoxious is he?!) that in college we had a sun-tea pitcher on the TV by the front door and it was labeled the ‘Lucky De-Claw and Neuter Trust Fund’. I raised like, $80 with that thing, seriously. But now that we have the little guy, I have taken serious karma-pleasure in seeing Lucky get SCHOOLED by Oscar. It’s great. He’s not getting hurt or anything, but it’s still great to see him get attacked as he walks around a corner. What goes around comes around, buddy.

And yeah, I know that last one isn’t about me at all, but really, I stretched to do this list anyway. As far as who to tag? Uh.. I don’t know, lots of you don’t have blogs. Maybe Mads or Casey. Lauren, Lawson, Misty or Tracy. Sugar! I tag Sara.

Get listin’ everyone. Ciao.


*But I know enough to trash talk, and I’m not kidding Laws you better hope your boy Brodie Croyle is worth his rep or I’m going to give you crap the entire season. I mean it.

Which is why it probably didn’t work well in my case. 😉

Sorry, Jon. I think my (extremely short) moratorium of bugging you has officially ended.

Only cat people would really get why this made me bawl.



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