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Me, calling to cancel my landline with AT&T.

Oscar: Hello, AT&T this is Oscar how may I be of service to you?

Me: Hello I’d like to cancel my landline.

Oscar: OK, I see the cancellation order has already gone through, may I ask why you want to leave?

Me: We’ve decided to just bundle all of our services together.

Oscar: May I ask who you are choosing now?

Me: SureWest

Oscar: Is there a reason you chose SureWest?

Me: The bundle option is more cost-effective. It’s nothing personal to AT&T.

Oscar: Did you research U-Verse? May I tell you about what we can provide?

Me: Oh, I researched it, I know we can get the fiber option, but the speeds are faster with SureWest and they can offer a better packaged deal. It’s really just the bottom dollar; you understand. I have no problems with AT&T.

Oscar: We can offer 24bit speeds with U-Verse.

Me: And that’s great, but we would prefer the faster speed with SureWest. It’s already installed so I don’t think it makes a lot of sense to try and re-think it. I feel comfortable with my research and decision.

Oscar: Do you have HD on your TV?

Me: (pause) Yes..

Oscar: Have you looked into our channel options with HD and premium channels? Do you watch HBO or do you watch a lot of sports?

Me: Yep and I looked into all the options I need at this time. It’s just a better deal for what we’re looking for right now. 

Oscar: What about wireless, do you use AT&T for your cell phone use? I could offer you a free iPhone 4S with a contract that includes..

Me: Sir. I have already told you what I need at this time. I’ve told you that it’s nothing personal with AT&T. I’m not going to switch any services and I’m fully informed about what is the best fit at this time for my family. I understand this is part of your job and I promise I appreciate your effort, but I really need to just finalize this call.

Oscar: OK, well I show the phone number has been switched at this time so you should be set. A prorated billing statement will arrive in a couple weeks. Is there anything else I can discuss with you about our products or services?

Me: Oscar.

Oscar: Alright, well then I hope you have a wonderful day; we appreciate your business and please remember not to text and drive!

Dear Mom and Brandon

I am terribly sorry I made you mad. Its just that I don’t like that chore. Anyway I am probaly not going to argue next time but I still don’t like picking up dog poop. I hope you will at least get over what I did today and just remember I say this only once tomorrow is a new day just like heaven is and a new life. Oh and two more things use the money I give you for something you want or use it with other money and two solve this riddle so I at least don’t have to be yelled at.

riddle: what do you call a crazy man?

thank you

Jacoby [middle][last]

aka troublemaker

P.S. I will be in my room if you need me but take you time on this letter

Jacoby: Hello hello

Are you there mom


me: Hiya baby! I’m here!

Jacoby: Great your back where we huh

me: I am back. I’m glad you like chatting, it’s fun isn’t it?

Jacoby: Ha that was a joke

me: I know it was, funny boy.

Jacoby: Well it was momma

me: What’s your favorite color?

Jacoby: What are you talking about

me: I’m asking what your favorite color is, silly goose!

Jacoby: OK red

me: What your favorite song?

Jacoby:  What honey pie

me: Ha, did Brandon tell you to call me that?

What’s your favorite song, prankster!

Jacoby: Jingle bell rock

me: What’s your favorite movie?

Jacoby: First brand ion did not tell me to call you that

And it is monty python and the holy grail

me: Ah, you’re clever then. 🙂

What’s your favorite book?

Jacoby: Diary of a wimpy kid 🙂

me: Do you want to talk about anything else?

Jacoby: What are all those questions for

me: Just trying to think of things to talk to you about.   

Jacoby: One second dragons

Me: Uh, what?

Jacoby: Dragons for Pete sake

me: Of course, that makes perfect sense. ..Not.

Jacoby: What the heck are you talking about

me: You tell me, you’re the one writing gibberish about dragons!

Jacoby: It’s no gibberish ma’am

me: I love you sweet boy

Jacoby: I love you too


In my last year of college a good friend went with a group of people to the spillway attached to the reservoir outside of town, and ended up drowning after saving one of the girls that had waded in too deep and had gotten caught by the undertow. A few months later Ryan’s best childhood friend (and very close friend of mine as well), Wayne, and I, attended a wedding for a friend in the group. After the reception, more than a little drunk, we drove out to the spillway to see where Ryan had died. I remember being furious. Inexorably furious, that you could actually hear the water rushing from the reservoir, and that somehow my friends had been dumb enough to come here and attempt to get in the water, even jokingly. There was no mistaking that despite the calm surface, the water was roaring off the dam just around the corner. I remember that it was an icy cold December night, but surprisingly not very windy, which is odd for Manhattan, and that at some point after silently sitting on some rocks for a while, I just stood up and started hurling things into the water. I stood there and threw as hard as I could anything my hands snatched off the ground, and then I lugged big heavy boulders, discus style, into the water with big splashes. I don’t know how long I did it, or that I did anything much more than scream and throw rocks. But whatever I did was enough to make my right arm almost useless for many days afterward, and that this soreness was oddly comforting to me. It seemed defiant, this attempt to fill up the particular bend of the river, and was was by far the most cathartic and freeing thing I did during the grieving process. I needed to do something with that much powerless grief, so I filled up the river like a big fuck you. Because what I really wanted to do was yell at Ryan for being so stupid, but I couldn’t.

So this story conflicts me. On one hand, I think it’s awesome that this woman had the balls to take her halflings with her to report to duty, b/c I disagree with how out of hand this war has gotten (or even its validity in the first place, if we want to go there), and she was honorably discharged years ago and deserves to be able to raise her young family. She already sacrificed for her country and there is no one to watch the kids if she is pulled for IRR.

On the other hand, I’m sure a large majority of soldiers have families, and it’s never really convenient to do a tour in that life stage, obviously. And, mostly, I have a profound respect for the gravity of the commitment it takes to serve in the military that continually protects my pampered ass, and I don’t think that it should be (or is) treated lightly.

So there you go. I know some of y’all are military brats, and as I’m fascinated to the point of anthropological study of that entire world, I’d really love to know what you think.

I love me some Google, but the slideshow below isn’t showing up in Reader, and as much as I don’t like that the embedded songs are often hidden, denying the world of the gorgeousness that is my daughter is just NOT. COOL.

It wasn’t going to be understood by all.

Back to our regularly scheduled program next week, I promise. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Yah hullo!!

Man I’m so jonesed to go home I’m already thinking in family jokes (this being tapping into the Swedish heritage for bad accents and jokes about Lutfisk). I have so much left to clean/pack/organize it’s ridiculous, but fear not – I have the Colorado playlist created and on the iPod, so obviously my priorities are straight. Sweet Mary I can’t wait to go home. I may not come back, and just live on my uncle’s property instead to be a ranch hand. Preferably behind one of those trees in the distance – in a yurt!

(Sigh. Ok, I’ll move on. I know this is not NEARLY as exciting to everyone else.)

So, on the job-front we have some updates. The company I tested with a few weeks ago (by the stadiums) decided in the end to close the position (sounds like they’re on the brink of some layoffs already, and I appreciate that they didn’t hire me for oh.. three weeks, before dumping me again). Unfortunately, the story I was itching to tell that day about the queen bee who reigned supreme behind her little desk/throne just doesn’t feel as worth it today. Let’s just say that that room was filled with some gossipy little hens, and I knew when I first stepped in I could never work in a place with people who were so bored in their jobs they discussed nail art, hair spray and popped up over the cube farm like meerkats whenever the bell jingled.

I have another meeting today with a recruiter about a job that’s closer – one that pays significantly less than the first job. BUT, it also sounds like a helluva lot less responsibility. And part of me wonders if it would be wise to not bite off more than I can chew if I do decide to get a tech writing position, for many reasons within and outside of a job. (Or that could just be my fear of failure nudging me.) Either way I’d be remiss to not check it out; it’s not like the economy’s booming with jobs currently.

I also got a call today (and then an email from a completely different company, which makes me a little skeptical) about a job so far away google map says it takes over an hour. Which means it probably takes an hour and a half. Before you consider traffic. So.. yeah. Probably not.

What I think is funny (or ironic? GOD, WHY CAN’T I UNDERSTAND WHAT IS IRONY AND NOT JUST COINCIDENTAL?!), is that one of the above jobs is for the USDA, and the other is for a freaking pesticide manufacturer. Like, I’d have to work in the science division that tests and creates pesticides. Surely I would not be popular at either place after, oh.. five minutes. Which is interesting, because it’s not like I have a moral block against those industries (well, much), but it sparked the question in me about how far I will go to separate a job as just a job vs intruding on my personal philosophies. I mean, I know writing training manuals or archiving material to an intranet is not really contributing to the ‘evils’ of pesticides. (It’s not the same thing as being a doula and then trying to go be an L&D nurse in a delivery room. Some do, and I am so thankful for them – they make awesome nurses. But I absolutely could not do it.)

Anywhoo. Just something for me to chew on since it’s fresh. No big deal.

OKAY, well that was written at 8:45 this morning, and now I’m seriously running out of time, so I’ll have to abruptly end with that train of thought. 😛

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Wish us safe travels!


I have to post something – despite my dearth of interesting brain cells – to keep you coming back, eh?

1) Oscar is doing alright. He had to have a second surgery and the bill is still trucking uphill, but at this point we’re all-in, so send healthy cat vibes.

2) Props to my momma who got a new job. Huzzah!

3) Jon’s sister Leigh-Erin, and her boyfriend Scott, are in town for our friend Annie’s graduation from Med School. If you need an OB/GYN in New York anytime soon, lemme know and I’ll hook you up with her. She’s wicked smart and is going to kick ass in her field. Lots of fun and going out currently.

4) The following are funny search terms that pointed to my blog (and the posts I think they’re referencing). The others just made me laugh because I don’t get it:

5) Here’s some of The King to dance to this weekend. Have a good one everyone!

So here’s a story:

Remember when I first told you about my sweet little birthday present? And then my interest began to wane, ’bout the time I realized he was sort of a fartknocker? And then finally I gave up hope altogether?


Yesterday, I took Oscar to the vet after a week ( of being obviously unwell. And yeah, yeah, I should have taken him earlier, but he was still jumping on counters and cuddling and drooling all over so I figured he couldn’t be too sick. Whatever.

And what I learned was that that stupid shit had a 36 inch piece of thread somehow attached to the bottom of his tongue (I mean, seriously. Seriously?) which was then, well, threaded (snort) all the way through his body to the very end. To fix it, the vet took X-rays, tried to yank it out, put him under, PERFORMED SURGERY IN MULTIPLE PLACES ALONG HIS STOMACH AND INTESTINAL TRACT and sewed him back up again. All in under two hours.

And all for the low, low price of a grand.


And I know a large number of you are screaming SUCKER! to your screens right now. I hear you. But the thing is, afterwards, when Jon and I talked about it, we agreed that in the end we had to do it for Jack, since he still asks for our cat who died last Spring. Oscar is really his cat, and we just didn’t think it would be fair to him – if we hadn’t chosen the surgery, he would have eventually died from starvation. That just seems cruel to me to be punished for something so.. stupid. Plus, in the end, I am too much of an animal lover. I just couldn’t let him die so arbitrarily.

(Though part of me still wonders if that was Darwinism in action, and trying to intervene was actually in fact messing with God’s design. Too late there, I guess.)

So the moral here? I have no idea. Don’t take in animals. Be a nudist so you have no need for thread in the house. Don’t have a son that looks at you with big brown eyes and asks when his cat’s coming home from the pet doctor.

Have an emergency stupidity fund.

That doesn’t sound like a good deal to anyone?


When I took Jack to school we were stopped for a funeral procession I’ve decided was a local officer (based on a news story) who lost a battle to cancer.

It was amazing. There were easily two dozen motorcycle police at the beginning, and after the regular cars, more than 60 squad cars from different nearby cities came by single file, with lights flashing. I think there were actually a lot more than that, but I lost count. We sat there for 15 minutes, and it was by far the longest procession I’ve ever seen.

I would have done anything for my camera to have been in my purse so I could have taken a picture of the squad cars coming down the hill; you could see flashing lights for miles.

It was awe-inspiring.

Jon’s traveling, we have no school, we can’t go anywhere and we’ve read everything they want to read – again and again. We’ve played trains and we’ve watched Blues Clues. We got a package from a cousin that won’t stop making noise and I hate it already. Lorelei’s running around in a dipe but wants slippers because her feet are cold. Jack is crazy-hyper because he knows today’s different and he wants to go somewhere. Lots of noise here, people. NOISE.

Someone please interact with me. Call me, email me, start a comments conversation. Please. I’m serious. Let’s discuss something.

I’ll start: What song(s) would you want played at your funeral?



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