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Well kids, I’m back. And my trip was, to put it mildly, fairly craptastic. Oy vey I hate when you have such anticipatory excitement about something, and then it doesn’t work out. It exacerbates the disappointment, y’know?

I’m thankful I got to spend a lot of time with my mom and sister, and it was so good to see my grandparents, but the rest of it just.. sucked, really. There was some unexpected tension with my extended family about the divorce, half of the visitors ended up with colds or some sort of stomach issue, the kids were nutjobs on the long drive home, and as soon as I got back a freak thunderstorm knocked power out of my apartment for a couple hours (in 90 some-odd degree heat) and drenched my poor new phone that had fallen out of my bag.

I think the straw, though, the straw that made me almost just lose it altogether, came a few days ago when I realized my (relatively low) credit card limit was suddenly – and arbitrarily –  lowered by a couple grand while I was trying to use it for such minor things as, I dunno, gas. A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I was so irate I couldn’t see straight. My card is maxed now, and if they raise the rate – like I’m now learning is just as probable – I will be socked with charges I never would have incurred before, when I was an on-time and regularly paying-over customer. And more infuriating was the conversation I had with the unabashedly apathetic Capital One twit, who basically told me I could take my indignant sputterings and go f*** myself. Turns out apparently a lot of people are having this done to them, because the companies are trying to hurry and bleed us out of even more, before the Federal regulations eventually kick in.

I have such disgust for the ethics of big business it’s almost immeasurable.

But the real kicker of all this to me is not only the frustration that comes with feeling so powerless to that whole machine, but more that I was going to use some of that to cushion the unexpected costs that come when you move to a new place. I have very carefully organized my life such that for this brief time, I needed that. Not because I’m wantonly buying crap at Best Buy, but because I want to know that I can spend a hundred on things like trash cans and shower curtains and other miscellaneous necessities at Target. It’s been difficult for me to continue to swallow my pity-party tendencies these last few months; I’m trying hard to make good choices, and things just seem to keep, well, arbitrarily turning in a direction that has so much impact on my precarious stability. And it’s fine, I’m fine. I promise I know there are so many people who would beg to have my problems if it meant they still had food and shelter, I’m not that self-absorbed. But to know that some (let’s assume far wealthier than I) corporate asshat in a boardroom decided to screw me over just because he still can, blows. It tests my still-stubbornly naive need for fairness in life, I guess.

Blerg. Ok. /end rant.

Who knows, maybe some karmic chain reaction will get to the aforementioned asshat, and he’ll feel compelled to give a COUPLE THOUSAND to a charity serving economically-challenged kids. Let’s hope, eh?

On a lighter note, I got this message in my inbox this morning. I’m so on it because it promised 3k a month for working three hours a day from home. KA-CHING!

A venerable insurance company within the underlying market of
operation, is proud to announce yet another feasible entry for
uprising accounting adepts.

Comfort working environment will most definitely justify the necessity
to excel in the vast sphere of professional goals, and thereof lay a
firm foundation for your career advancement.

Salient associates, with profound work knowledge, will assist you in
unwrapping avocation related techniques, which will best integrate
with the development and popularization of high-caliber insurance
solutions.

Feel free to consider the prerequisites table right below, to amass
the important information.

.

Yup. Totally legit. I’m sure of it.

But before I start my new illustrious career (or go finish my relaxing book in the waning hours left in my vacation), I want everyone to listen to this song I have resoundingly fallen in love with while driving that straight-and-narrow path that is I-70 across Kansas. It’s “Kingdom of Rust” by the Doves. Good stuff, I say.

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Later, gators.  Thanks for letting me vent; it’s good to be home. 😛

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1. I learned today I’ve been writing the ampersand ( &) symbol facing the wrong direction.

2. I have the capacity for a lot of grace. Out of a hundred conversations, I’ve only had maybe a dozen people approach the subject of divorce objectively and/or non-judgmentally. I get that; I really do. It’s a painful thing all-around. But some of the things people have had the audacity to say to me are inexcusably out of line, and though I realize I’m sounding arrogant, I’m trying to say that I get why they said it. It hurts, but I understand the near-impossibility for impartiality.  People bring their own crap to the table when this subject comes up, whether they even realize it or not. This is definitely not something I would have known in any other avenue in my life – despite regularly making unpopular decisions –  so this really has been a pretty big insight into how people connect.

3. I apparently say the word “asterisk” without the second S consonant. I have zero idea why, since pronunciation is pretty important to me. I also can’t say ‘rear wheel drive’. My mouth sounds like I have palsy when I try to sound it out.

4. I am not so good, in fact, at the little details. I’m totally lying when I say that on my resume. I can spot editing mistakes because I’m a visual learner, but otherwise I’m a total cheddarhead.  Know what happens when you realize you’ve made a very stupid mistake after editing 6 images, making a preview sheet, printing aforementioned things off on expensive photo paper, making a .jpg release CD for the client AND burning back-ups of all your work? You feel like a total loser and start over, cussing that you numbered two of the images the same.  THANK GOD I’m working for a family that has six children. My boss is a father first, and must have realized he was taking another goober under his wing when he hired me.

5. I am actually capable of athletic competitiveness, even if it doesn’t actually include athletic ability. We played a team in kickball the other night that irritated me so much it was a toss-up between my desire to (as the catcher) sweep the leg of the girl trying to crowd me off the plate (seriously you asshat, it’s friggen KICKBALL) or just miraculously homer the ball and be carried over the plate by my teammates. Which means, of course, that I didn’t get on base for the first time ever in a game. Regardless, I reveled in this new feeling of aggression, and I’d like to learn how to harness it for rude people in customer service positions.

6. Most people probably are good at heart. The mechanic bought my car (sniff, goodbye sweet girl, you were great while you lasted) and is trusting that I’ll actually pay off the rest of my car loan  so I can get the title and give it to him. Kansas is wiggedywacked in this regard, and I don’t actually own my car until I pay it off. So I could take his money and run, and he’d never be able to sell the broken piece of crap in his lot, but he risked it anyway. And he gave me a fair price. Good guy.

6. I’m doing some on-line scoring for a company where schools send their standardized testing, and I actually was unable to qualify to score the writing samples of 4th graders in California. Apparently the rubric was just vague enough that despite hours of poring over examples, if they say Joey got a 4, I only gave him a 3. Or I thought Sally didn’t really understand her prompt and gave her a 1, but they say she got a 2. I had to match perfectly on 70% of my qualifying scores and 60% was the highest I was able to do. Holy batman I was pissed off.  So they put me on the next assignment, which is to score 5th grade math. If you know me, that’s pretty funny. But, as someone pointed out, I don’t have to actually DO this math. I’ll have the answers right in front of me! No ambiguity! Huzzah! And the best part is that I got a check for a whopping $46 dollars for that infuriating night I spent trying to qualify.

I got paid to fail people, and that kicks ass.

Surely there’s some philosophical lesson in that, no?

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