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It really is the happiest place on earth.

Went to Chicago a few years ago to see this concert, and this particular song then, was transcendent.

Hmm where to start, where to start.

So I’ve moved back to the neighborhood (more or less) that I used to live back in my other life. And I’m going to the old stores and driving the old streets, and there are times where I’ll zone out for a second and suddenly wake up and immediately think what the hell am I doing here – this isn’t where I live. But then I remember I do again, and that’s just sorta weird. I see people I used to see and it all seems sort of foreign. It’ll be normal again soon, but for now it’s kind of like purgatory, if I’m honest.

And of course, because I moved here for the sole purpose of keeping Jack in his school, ‘discussions’ about switching school districts to Jon’s new neighborhood have been stonewalled, and probably will be for a while. Things on the communication/respect/co-parenting front seem to be getting worse and worse as our lives diverge further. It just fucking blows, to put it simply. But I guess even the best of intentions and relationships can disintegrate when too many priorities conflict, and with each thing that comes up that makes me wonder who in the hell this person is now, it also simplifies my role as mamabear first and foremost within that interaction. It will get better or it will plateau at this point. But so long as it doesn’t get any nastier and involve court, I can deal. C’est la vie and all that.

I’ve been at my job now for about a month I think? It’s well. I like it and I’m good at it. Whodathunk, eh? I think the idea of getting my first full-on full-time job in 8ish years, a week before I was set to move, was in retrospect a very stressful thing for me. But it’s always odd to me to see how I compare stressors in my life, and how even despite not sleeping well because my brain is in high gear trying to just simply remember everything I have to do, I’d still prefer this over the past couple of years. Or even the year surrounding Jack’s dx or Lo’s birth. Things are falling into place, and as one ladder rung begins to stabilize, another builds on that.

All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.

BUT SPEAKING OF LADDERS! Went to the lake this weekend. I could use this as a tangent to rail on the UTTER and TOTAL inadequacy of Lake Jacomo’s campground and marina, but I’ll just say that aggressive raccoons + teenagers giving directions + broken pontoons + smashing fingertips +  boat ladders + emergency room visits in bikinis + pre-dawn thunderstorms and no rain tent cover = surprisingly a lot of fun. Though maybe not for Tami who had to have her sutures put through HER ENTIRE BROKEN AND FLAPPING FINGERTIP TO KEEP IT SEWED ON.

(I’m squeamish about very little, but I heard the doc describe that and I saluted them all and walked out.)

(..And what are you eating for dinner tonight?)

Hmm. Brandon’s mom mentioned taking us all to Disney World in the fall, and though I’m totally itching to tell the kids, I won’t yet, because Jack’s head will straight pop off from excitement and perserveration if I did.  I mention this less because it’s a future vacation I might take with my family and more because my sister and I watched the Harry Potter trailer and I am excited about possibly visiting the amusement park they’ve opened up. Yeah, I said it. I am.

But speaking of my sister, she’s working with me for the summer doing a filing kinda thing, and I’m so happy to have her there. She’s a cool chick and I’m old enough to know that this might be the last time we have concentrated time to hang out before she finishes high school (she’ll be a Senior this year. Truly. My baby sister is a SENIOR in high school. It’s nuts.) and goes to college. She was mentioning an art school in Seattle and I told her to do everything in her power to go as far away from home as she can while she’s young. God, the older I get the more I wish I had had wanderlust when it was more convenient in my life. I could never have been Alex Supertramp, but something closer to it than I was would have sufficed.

So that’s it. Really it’s just been a long day. And as I was driving home and some dumb teenager on her cell phone with white sunglasses pulled across FOUR LANES OF TRAFFIC to decide she needed to go left instead of right – with no blinker, which actually was the cherry for me on the whole thing, – this song came on (‘It’s Thunder and It’s Lightning’ by We Were Promised Jetpacks), and I cranked it. And I know I’ve linked it before, but this really just encapsulates my feelings on my life in the past few years. It doesn’t make me angry or sad or pumped. It is simply a song that I turn up really, really loudly.

Happy Tuesday. I’m opening some wine if you’d like some.

Dig it. Saw this as a blogmemeideawhatever, and I’m totally stealing it because I love having an excuse to write my posts as lists. Onward ho.

1. I, too, just got the new Buzz for gmail, and see now why my friend said it was becoming goobook. I love me some google, so I’m down. (I was also a wave behind some friends on the new FB layout, and I gotta say it feels a wee bit like being picked last for teams again in junior high.)

2. I’ve begun to edit a book in my spare time for a very nice gentleman who is in a writer’s circle with a friend. The money I make will be nice, but more than that it feels good to use my brain in a comfort zone; getting paid to (essentially) read books would be a cool profession to work toward.

3.  A dear friend from college is back in town for a few months, and is pregnant with her second child. Seeing her and being there for a prenatal visit has me more excited than I’ve been in a while about birth. I’ve been decidedly on hiatus with Bradley stuff, mostly b/c I feel like I shouldn’t be teaching impressionable first-time parents about what is often one of the most important days of their life, if I don’t have my shit (al)together personally. I have the knowledge and the passion to teach, but I don’t want to do it half-assed, and something just doesn’t feel right at the moment to try and pretend I can give them the focus and attention they deserve. Soon hopefully, but not yet. At least not for strangers. However attending births as a doula is a different thing, and I’m itching for another one. We’re coming up on a year since my last birth, and I’m getting baby crazy again. Either way, I’m hoping to take E with me to the next birth conference; the key speakers will be uhmaaaazing to see.

4. Divorce sucks. Even when you can pat yourself on the back for being amicable, it’s a messy, tiring and trust-eroding event that doesn’t simply end with the court date.

5. That said, we have Jack’s conferences tonight, and I am proud that we can have periods of pretty wicked fighting, but still remember what it was like to be friends – enough that we can put it aside and work together on things involving the kids. Co-parenting (aka My Not Having Full Control Over Every Aspect Of My Children’s Lives) has been the hardest part for me, hands-down.

6. I need to set up a new paypal account so I can renew my imbedding space so I can actually imbed songs instead of sending you to youtube to listen to the song “Sweet Disposition”. It was in the previews for 500 Days of Summer, so when it became popular recently I immediately remembered liking it. I’m sure I’ll tire of it pretty quickly, especially if it’s getting radio play, but until then I LOVE IT. Even with the U2 sounding beginning. I’m such a sucker for pop.

7. My boyfriend and I have the opportunity to piggyback on some friends’ vacation to San Francisco in May, and I’m trying to finagle finances to make it work. Mama needs a vacation, people.

8. Soon I will update the kids’ dictionary, but I’ll start (and publicly remind myself to do it) with Lorelei’s saying yets instead of lets, and Jack’s version of glubs instead of gloves. Heh.

9. My friend Liz and I are starting a business where we write or edit dating profiles for people. Not sure how it will go, but how awesome would that be to not only make enough money to work from home but ALSO bring couples together, one dating site at a time? Huzzah, right?! Win-win in my book, so head our direction for help, por favor.

10. And that’s it. I have the squiggly lines in my vision that prelude a migraine (possibly from navigating Buzz), so I’m going to say goodbye and happy Wednesday. Hope all is well in your worlds.

Nature_-_Colorado_Rockies__1_

I’m supposed to come back Wednesday.

I make no promises.

Sorry, I know that’s super lame. But I hate titles and have the Wicked musical soundtrack in my sleep deprived gourd.

So let’s see.. things are hectic. I’m liking my job pretty well – it can be stupidly crazy at times, but the pace and juggling reminds me of the dinner rush when you’re a server, and consequently time flies when I’m here. Having an office with a door I can shut helps. Did I mention I have AN OFFICE WITH A DOOR AND SOME WINDOWS? Man that’s fun. I feel like such a big girl now.

I took an impromptu trip to Chicago last week to see a band (Antony and the Johnsons, who always seem to be in Europe so this was a coup), and it was amazing. The seats were not the best, and he definitely didn’t push his voice to the registers he does on his albums, but regardless the show is up there as one of the best I’ve seen. He had an incredibly talented band with him (bass guitar, drums, cello and two violinists – one of whom was this kick ass older gal who played the clarinet and sax as well!) and the music was simply beautiful. Unfortunately, I can’t access youtube at work, so you can check out a previously posted  song by him – one of my favorites and the one he encored with, “Hope There’s Someone” –  for now.

We also hit up a bunch of museums and restaurants, most notably Hot Doug’s, for which we stood in line OUTSIDE for OVER AN HOUR in SUBZERO TEMPERATURES. We knew there was a wait for it usually, but hadn’t realized it was recently showcased on Anthony Bourdain’s show, so the line was ridiculous. But sweet jebus the food was worth it. Mmmmmm duck fat fries… But, you know what wasn’t worth it though? Seven Treasures restaurant in Chinatown. Holy shite that was truly the nastiest food I’ve ever attempted to eat. I mean it. The beef was grey, people. And gelatinous. And the broccoli was mushy, and ugh, my stomach’s churning just thinking about it. So.. don’t go there next time you visit, go to the four hundred other places to eat.  But do check out this gallery, it’s pretty cool.

The only other thing that stands out is a suggestion of not getting into a taxi that is not in the very front of the taxi line, because the other drivers in line will go crazy with their horns in protest. It’s comical; they sound like really pissed off geese. But they ain’t kidding around – one poor sap was dumb enough to roll down his window as he passed the other taxis and got an earful.  

So that was it, basically, it was a short trip. I finished Confessions of a Shopaholic (Shhh. I was looking for a silly book to read in my Dramamine-induced drug fog on the plane, but I had no idea it was that friggen bad), and started Wicked and Why Darwin Matters, both of which I’m really enjoying so far. More on the latter later, I’m sure.

And the rest of my colder-than-I-anticipated-considering-I-have-no-coat day consists of trying to jumpstart the brand new – and thoroughly dead – battery in my car. W00t. Pray that it’s not the starter, por favor, I don’t really have the time or moolah for that too.

Hope all is well in your worlds amigos.

And we’re tired and banged up. Jon screwed up his ankle and I got the mother of all bruises.

But it was fun, so I recommend everyone float down a river with a thousand other drunk morons in 100 degree heat at least once in their lives. 8)

Damn but I’m a yapper.

[First tangent: This is awesome. Tell me again why they get to host?]

So I just realized it’s been almost a week since I posted last. And it’s funny to me that that seems like a long time if I think of it in that measurement, but not if I just think back to being busy. C’est la vie and all that, eh? That and I’m sure I was thinking I’d write when I had some sort of thoughtful commentary to share. Snort.

We’re planning a float trip for this weekend, so we’re trying to get organized for that. I’m finding it funny how you can get a group of educated adults together and the details of such a seemingly uncomplicated trip (a tent, some grub, some beer and you float down a river – doesn’t require a passport or even coherent thought, actually) manage to have us all running around crashing into each other in confusion. An event planner I am not, that I know for sure now. The only preparation I’ve been doing is drinking crappy beer leftover from kickball games as a warning to my system.

THAT SAID, I think maybe my summer has been filled with a tad too many parties and a tad too few vitamins. Or maybe just nourishment in general.  I counted yesterday and I literally have 30 bruises on my legs. I’ve had two people ask me honestly if I’m being beaten b/c of the bruises on my arms. It’s baaaaaaaaad. And I’ve tried to up my B’s, but it’s more than that too. When I looked on the interwebs, the causes included weight loss (check), vitamin deficiency (assumed), extended periods of stress (check) and blood disorders (uh.. let’s not go there yet). Need to step up and take care of myself, I know. I’m on it.

THAT SAID, (ahh I never get tired of my own cleverness) I took the dive and started some antidepressants this weekend. And as a disclaimer, I’m not an elitist about those at all, I think they can be necessary when all other avenues have been tried first or in tandem. But the truth is that it was really hard to break the seal that said GlaxoSmithKline on it. I have no shame in admitting my life is stupidly complicated for me right now, but I do about having to dig into the pharma candy bag. I didn’t even know how to fill my script, it’s been so long. But, that’s the kind of pride-swallowing even I am rolling my eyes at, so it’s all good. And of course the fun part is that months after we decided to lower our insurance coverage (since we don’t go to the doctor enough to warrant paying the extra hundred some-odd dollars a month) I finally need the insurance. Cost of these little happy pills per month? $140. Nice. I bet E is cheaper than that.

In other news, I watched two episodes of Hopkins and am now boycotting it. The first yanked my heartstrings when it followed a toddler getting a heart transplant. But yay! he survived and all the tears turned happy in the end. But the second one followed the family of a little girl who essentially drowned, and the entire world was privy to everything from the mother’s vomiting reaction to the decision of taking her off life support. Personally I thought it was vile and reprehensible, not to mention the worst kind of voyeurism. That’s private and unimaginable grief, and to know it was shown on television for no purpose other than to show what it’s like to work in a hospital is mind boggling. When I think of my friend’s death, I can’t even imagine cameras being there. I personally would have broken it if someone filmed what was thus far one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. I just simply think that is twisted. I know Hopkins is not the first show to do this, but I can’t believe it’s done in general, and on a major network. I dunno. I feel the same way about coverage of funerals. That’s beyond macabre to me. Ok, end rant.

[Hmm. What a downer post this is sounding like. Odd, since I’m not feeling that way currently. Guess the meds haven’t kicked in enough yet, ha!]

Ok, I think that’s about all I can think of. I didn’t finish my book club book, but it bored me, so I’ll go with that as the excuse. I’m seeing Dark Knight officially tomorrow – on IMAX! Woot! – so I’m sure I’ll be jonesing to discuss it on Wednesday. Lo’s still the cutest damn thing ever and Jack’s new thing is to yell with his mouth in an O shape and call it whistling. It’s greeeeaaaat!

I’ll leave you with a happy song. It’s not new (Timbaland’s ‘Way I Are’), but I finally snagged it, and Meg and I danced to it for like, an hour this weekend. Because yes, we are actually that dorky.

Ciao, friends.

We decided to extend our trip a couple days, so we’re still in Colorado (and I still may not ever return). Pictures to come. 8)

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Beyond that, the main reason for this post is THIS! Hot damn this is progress! Anita was the midwife who caught Lo, and I’m so happy for her and everyone else in the homebirth community. Really – this is huge, huge news.

So that’s it; we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled nonsense in a few days. Have a good weekend!

Yah hullo!!

Man I’m so jonesed to go home I’m already thinking in family jokes (this being tapping into the Swedish heritage for bad accents and jokes about Lutfisk). I have so much left to clean/pack/organize it’s ridiculous, but fear not – I have the Colorado playlist created and on the iPod, so obviously my priorities are straight. Sweet Mary I can’t wait to go home. I may not come back, and just live on my uncle’s property instead to be a ranch hand. Preferably behind one of those trees in the distance – in a yurt!

(Sigh. Ok, I’ll move on. I know this is not NEARLY as exciting to everyone else.)

So, on the job-front we have some updates. The company I tested with a few weeks ago (by the stadiums) decided in the end to close the position (sounds like they’re on the brink of some layoffs already, and I appreciate that they didn’t hire me for oh.. three weeks, before dumping me again). Unfortunately, the story I was itching to tell that day about the queen bee who reigned supreme behind her little desk/throne just doesn’t feel as worth it today. Let’s just say that that room was filled with some gossipy little hens, and I knew when I first stepped in I could never work in a place with people who were so bored in their jobs they discussed nail art, hair spray and popped up over the cube farm like meerkats whenever the bell jingled.

I have another meeting today with a recruiter about a job that’s closer – one that pays significantly less than the first job. BUT, it also sounds like a helluva lot less responsibility. And part of me wonders if it would be wise to not bite off more than I can chew if I do decide to get a tech writing position, for many reasons within and outside of a job. (Or that could just be my fear of failure nudging me.) Either way I’d be remiss to not check it out; it’s not like the economy’s booming with jobs currently.

I also got a call today (and then an email from a completely different company, which makes me a little skeptical) about a job so far away google map says it takes over an hour. Which means it probably takes an hour and a half. Before you consider traffic. So.. yeah. Probably not.

What I think is funny (or ironic? GOD, WHY CAN’T I UNDERSTAND WHAT IS IRONY AND NOT JUST COINCIDENTAL?!), is that one of the above jobs is for the USDA, and the other is for a freaking pesticide manufacturer. Like, I’d have to work in the science division that tests and creates pesticides. Surely I would not be popular at either place after, oh.. five minutes. Which is interesting, because it’s not like I have a moral block against those industries (well, much), but it sparked the question in me about how far I will go to separate a job as just a job vs intruding on my personal philosophies. I mean, I know writing training manuals or archiving material to an intranet is not really contributing to the ‘evils’ of pesticides. (It’s not the same thing as being a doula and then trying to go be an L&D nurse in a delivery room. Some do, and I am so thankful for them – they make awesome nurses. But I absolutely could not do it.)

Anywhoo. Just something for me to chew on since it’s fresh. No big deal.

OKAY, well that was written at 8:45 this morning, and now I’m seriously running out of time, so I’ll have to abruptly end with that train of thought. 😛

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Wish us safe travels!

Smooches

I’m in a very happy (but calm) mood today. After Jon left for work, Jack crawled in bed with me and Lorelei, and let us rest peacefully for 4 whole minutes before he started laughing maniacally. Usually I would turn into Grendel’s mother at that point (so does that make Jack Grendel?), but today when he asked if he could have cereal I just serenely rested my hand on his head and said – I kid you not – Yes, my child.

And no, I’ve never taken Ecstasy.

So.. Let’s see. Today feels like Friday. It’s not, but that’s always a good feeling, no? Lots of rain, that makes me happy. Leaving for CO in T-minus 9 days, and I am STUPIDLY EXCITED. I love me some mountains (not to mention my family), and to go home is restorative beyond measure for me. We’re going to hit up some Red Rocks, and hope the kids run up and down the stairs until they pass out.

(photo courtesy of onemansblog)

Jealous? Eh? You should be. I don’t know how anyone can stand in that kind of awe-inspiring beauty and not think there is something greater than us out there. 😉

Switching gears, Jamie posted a video that made my water go up my nose when I snorted in laughter. And yes, yes, yes, I know it’s never as satirically simple as it’s presented, but damn it’s funny. This is the first election where I’m actually gleefully rubbing my hands together in anticipation. (Look at me, all growns up!)

The only sad note today is that apparently there was a tornado at K-State. Some damage to the campus, though Aggieville and the Sig Eps were saved. (Uh, yay? ..I KEED!) Seriously, apparently it was a mean one for the area, and the residents are in my prayers. I think tornadoes are fascinating, but I bet I wouldn’t that so much if my home were annihilated.

I’ll end with another cool song I was introduced to this morning. This is ‘My Only Swerving’ by El Ten Eleven. This is one guitarist looping over himself multiple times. Check out the youtube, it’s pretty cool to watch.

Ciao

So I often add some powdered hot chocolate to my morning jetfuel (Because I’m still a little too I like my sugar with coffee and cream Beastie Boyish, thanks.) and when we have raw goat milk, I’ll add that to it, ala the Big Mac/Diet Coke kind of thinking. Fine. But yesterday, Jack found an old box of Spiderman mac n’ cheese in the pantry –

[Sidenote: Does anyone else think the funky noodle shapes taste different than the regular noodles? How is that?! Why wouldn’t it be the same ingredients as regular noodles, but just stamped into a different mold?!]

– and demanded to eat it for lunch. To assuage some of my guilt I only put in half the cheese packet, and added some ingredients from the fridge in hopes of creating some semblance of health. Ok, great.

So. This morning, after making my delicioso 7-step coffee, I randomly grabbed for the half packet of chocolate left over from yesterday – you know where this is going – and instead dumped the rest of the craptastic powdered cheese into my gloriously oversized mug. Luckily, I noticed I was stirring around BRIGHT ORANGE, and some synapse fired enough to recognize that Houston had a problem.

Alas, the day was not ruined, because making that complicated coffee means we always have a lot left over. And the second go-round was much more smooth. But that still should be a lesson for JON to NOT BUY SPIDERMAN MAC’NCHEESE AT THE STORE. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EVEN TASTE GOOD ANYWAY.

Let’s see. How is everyone? Things are pretty good here. Oscar is pretty much 100% healed. He has a hella scar running up his belly with staples in it, and I’m considering calling him Zip(per) from now on. Or, Oscar the WonderMoron. Or Economy Stimulus Check. Whichever.

Jon is donating bone marrow next week b/c he is a match for someone, and that is so ridiculously cool. I’m not sure what all it entails, but truly, we should all be so lucky there are people out there who would do something so painful and altruistic. You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.

For those of you who know of my long-standing fascination with the West Memphis Three case, I was directed to this video yesterday that sums it up much more quickly than the two documentaries. Go. Watch. Get involved. I cried yesterday thinking not only of the injustice, but the arbitrariness of HBO getting involved in the first place. It scares me to think of all the other backwoods, backassward trials slipping through the cracks.

That Alex Barton thing I (and eleventybillion other people) wrote about has literally exploded, due to the outrage of the autism community. As per usual I’m slightly irritated that autism is the main reason it caught national attention, but it has opened a huge path for discussion of neurodiversity, which is stupidly overdue. Again (againagainagain), I’m not wholly sure I can be in either camp, but enlightenment is still progress, obviously.

I am digging on this song, big time.

I finished the book Middlesex last week. I think it’s a great choice for everyone; it has a lot of underlying themes that can be discussed thoroughly. Plus, I get the impression that the author might be the type who wrote a cool story but didn’t actually mean for it to be that purposely layered. Who knows. It’s the guy who wrote The Virgin Suicides, and it’s a cool book anyway, despite his goofy jacket picture.

Only 23 days until we leave for Colorado. Hu-freaking-zah, I’m deliriously excited. I hate summer in Kansas.

I think that’s it. Love to all.

It was sunny EVERY SINGLE day. (That’s so ironic it’s.. bah.)

Whatever, the trip rocked.

We listened to some Pharoahe Monch.

We saw/visited/ate at the Space Needle, EMP, a Sonics game, the ferry to Bainbridge Island, some seafood and sushi restaurants, Salumi, Seattle Center, Pike Place Market, the Aquarium, Volunteer Park, a jazz/rock show by Crack Sabbath and U of WA.

We took pictures, and you can see it all here. 😉

But that’s all I gots today, friends. I am stupidly exhausted and spending time with the kidlets.

Happy Monday!

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But today it is still here. That said, I’ma go play now.

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Keep all of us in your prayers, I’ll be back next week!

Jen

Ok, we’re still in munchkinland but I had a second to post this as a quick summary. So listen to a little Muse’s ‘Starlight’ and we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled blog tomorrow.

Big love to Sam & Misty for a wonderful time! Thanks!

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