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Hiya kiddo. Eight years ago right now I was walking into the hospital after 13 hours of labor, cussing through contractions and demanding Miss Megan not speak about the candy in the vending machine. In two hours and forty-eight minutes more you were born, all purple and quiet in a room full of people praying you’d make a sound.

If I’d only known how loud you’d be after that first squawk.

I love you Jack. You changed my life irrevocably for the better.


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Returning a phone call today per a customer’s voicemail request.

*ring ring*

Asian woman with incredibly thick accent: Hello?

Me: Hello, may I speak to Tony, please?

AW: Who?

Me (clearly and slowly): Tony.

AW: Who?

Me: TONY ____?

AW: <<mumble>> Who? Who you <<mumble>> .. Who?

Me (slowly, unsure of how else to say it): Tony? I’M CALLING FOR TONY ______.

AW: Who?

Me: Tony, Mam. Do you understand me?

AW: Who?

Me: Tony? I was asked to call number 718-23…

**click**

.

.

Holla. Happy Monday, yo.

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