What is currently floating in my brain

1. The new health care bill. I have no insurance (for those that might remember that I had gotten that job at the spa, I never bothered to update that for a variety of reasons on their end, it didn’t work out and the insurance was never started. No ill will from either side, but obviously no insurance either. And yes, I’ve tried through the state – but since I am not pregnant, I don’t qualify); I haven’t seen a doctor for the rotator cuff I’m preeeetty sure I tore a year ago. Because, it will then become ‘pre-existing’ for me to qualify to actually get insurance, and that’s just ridiculous bullshit. Plus we all know there are people out there for which naproxen isn’t enough.

2. Jack starts soccer tomorrow. I hope something fierce that he loves it. His friend’s dad is the coach, and that’s a huge relief for me.

3. Lorelei in this video from a couple weeks ago. She had been singing the damn Heyawk song all afternoon, and had just started singing some made up lyrics to the alphabet song. I tried to snag it and obviously my impatience at her Benedict Arnold leanings showed. Check at the end where she tucks her marker – uncapped – into her sleeve before walking off.

4. How far my Cats will go, and how difficult it’s been to not be more of a wench to those KU fans that are so obnoxious the other 97% of the time they don’t dramatically lose.

5. How much the new Gorillaz album kicks ass. This is “On Melancholy Hill”:

6. This nebulous zone I’m at now with old friends. My world has (logically) divided into PRE- and POST-DIVORCE, but I guess I never would have thought I’d lose touch with so many people. For some I’ve tried sometimes successfully to keep up, others I’ve waited on them, and licked my wounds. The rest were not unlike slicing off a tumor, and couldn’t have come at a better time. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fairly hurt I didn’t get more Christmas cards from the people I thought had ‘crossed over’. I admit that this is pretty superficial to care about, but really, aren’t the point of cards simply to acknowledge that someone thinks you count enough to get a greeting? There is no one I want to see that I don’t have some sort of interwebs connection with, so the idea of my being un-findable, sadly, can’t count. I’m thinking about shearing off the hundred or so people on Facebook that I either don’t honestly care about, or I feel relatively confident are just keeping the friendship to stalk my goings-on when they so desire. My boyfriend hates FB, and I can’t say I always blame him. Shrug.

7. Somewhat in the same vein, that Jon and I have decided to throw Jack’s birthday party this year jointly, including new significant others and estranged previous in-laws. Plus all the friends who had to choose Team Jen or Team Jon when this began. We’re hoping that if we can act normally, then everyone else can stuff it and follow along. I personally think handing out shots called Tension Relievers might facilitate this progress, but we’ll see. Either way the intent is good, let’s all hope it can be done.

8. That J. Davo is moving back. Hooray for Kedzie Hall reunions in the near future!

9. How much every year at the beginning of spring I look back and realize just how incredibly affected I was by winter’s lack of sun and warmth. And how every year I tell myself I’ll be better about taking my vitamin D, and YET I NEVER DO.

10. How much I loved the movie Alice In Wonderland. I love Tim Burton. Love, love, love. Also that the main girl looks like the child of Gwyneth Paltrow and Claire Danes. Right?

11. I’ve noticed a few wrinkles lately – which wasn’t a panic of vanity – but was a wake up call that I have got to start being better to my body. There used to be a time when eating Taco Bell would have made me sick. Now it’s gotten to where I look and feel blah all the time. I’m going to try to wean myself of coffee, and along with the CSA we just joined, eat more fruits and vegetables. BECAUSE I’VE EATEN ONIONS RECENTLY, PEOPLE. MORE THAN ONCE. DO YOU KNOW HOW HUGE THAT IS?

12. My beloved friend, the beautiful Miss Emily, has asked me to attend her birth as her doula, and I can’t explain how excited I am. I. Love. Babies. And. Birth.

Happy (sunny, hopefully) Tuesday, y’all.

Unrelated thoughts presented.. now.

1. Welcome, Spring. And thank you for bringing my migraines back. I won’t take drugs for childbirth, but I’ll pop pain relievers like Tic Tacs every year ’bout now. It’s a good thing I can wear hats to my job, b/c I don’t have a C-clamp big enough, and my Royals cap is the closest I can get to that feeling of wanting to squeeze my temples until my eyeballs pop out.

2. My friend Kyle shared this article about auties and degrees of savantism/genius, and though I read it observationally, it still reminded me of just how freaking proud I am of my little stinker. He’ll be six this weekend, and once again I’m amazed by how hard he works to learn and understand and adapt. Man I love that kid something fierce.

3. On principle I’m right-clicking the hell out of this PC currently. I work with Macs all day long, and sometimes their functionality totally blows.

4. Totally digging this song by Johan Johannsson (whose name still sounds as lame in another language as it would if I’d written the English version John Johnson) called Fordlandia. I would like to use it in a documentary someday. It’s a super long song, so give it a minute to build.  So pretty.

5. Speaking of functionality, I saw one of those Easy Rider bikes today, and I legitimately don’t get why the handlebars are built like that. How does that not make your arms ache? I can’t imagine driving cross-country on one of those. What am I missing?

6. I have a sweet couple due in a month and I’m super excited. Births and the miracles within are incomparable, and I could use some rekindling of my faith in humanity lately.

And that’s all I can think of for now. I was going to launch into a been-brewing rant, but my head just simply hurts, and I don’t have the clarity I’ll need. Maybe I’ll try to come back later tonight.

Hope your worlds are well, friends. Feel free to respond to the random post with random thoughts; I’ve been missing a few of you lately.  😉

I will lose sleep any time..

If I can be there when this:

Ends up with this:

Birth is miraculous, there’s no other way to look at it.

Congrats Jill, Rich, big sister Adi and new baby Asher!

Thisisthelongestmonthever

Things I could tell you about for this stupid NaBloPoMo:

I finally got my head out of the sand and have started some therapy. Things are currently both more clear and much more difficult for me. I’m really not liking that she’s pulling out some old things I’d like to stay buried, but I think it probably is necessary. It takes courage to do this stuff, and I’m not always sure I’ve got enough in supply.

I can admit to you how much I want to eviscerate this man; how primal the feeling is. But I acknowledge that if mental health really is in question, it can’t wholly be black and white, no matter how disloyal that seems to that innocent girl.

I can tell you how much that song I posted a few days ago actually makes my heart hurt, even though I don’t connote it with any particular situation – it’s just that beautiful of a song to me. And again, I don’t understand people who don’t like music. It’s completely antithetical to me.

I can talk about how my next birthing mama called me yesterday with what ended up being false contractions, and I couldn’t go with her to check it out, and I felt like a horrible doula. It’s been a long time since I’ve attended a birth, and I’m so ready for this one. Birth is miraculous, and everything comes down to simply that.

I can remind you that today Jack starts riding the bus home, and even though it’s only a block and he’s been in ‘school’ for two years now, the thought makes me cry. He is my baby. My almost-Kindergarten-aged sweet boy, and he’s riding a school bus. It’s inexorably linked to growing up in my mind.

I could attempt to describe the stupidly-delicious burgers we had last night when Brandon came to watch some more Wire, but words fail me. Best burger ever, I promise. Really. I told him I was going to steal the recipe and add it to my three-dish repertoire.

Likewise, this song played on rotation during dinner, and has been in my head since.

Polyphonic Spree’s “Light & Day/Reach for the Sun”

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So that about sums up what’s on my brain today.

Have a good day everyone. 😉