You are one of the most genuinely sweet and funny little dudes I’ve ever met. I can’t wait to see you grow up, and I love you more than humanly possible.

However.

Please stop telling me that you are done chilling out, and that in fact ‘chilling out’ wants to go to work.

Please stop putting the cat in the tupperware cabinet.

Please don’t sit on Lorelei’s head. Generally that hurts or at least stinks.

Please don’t drink the soapy bath water. I already don’t like the ingredients in your Little Mermaid Bubble Bath. Humor me and try not to ingest it also, okay?

Please don’t pour water on Lo’s head.

Please just stop doing anything to her head.

Please don’t offer the following: “The deal is that we go right and not straight. That’s a good deal.” That’s not a deal, honey. That’s just clever dictatorship.

Please don’t tell people in the grocery store that they want to go home. Likewise, it might be good to stop asking the people at the gym if they’re coming to our house.

Please don’t kick the back of my seat anymore. You are close to riding in the cargo area.

Please don’t try something by just licking it and giving it back. That’s not a bite, buddy.

Please remember to cover your coughs. Your breakfast didn’t taste good when you shared it five minutes later.

Please, please, PLEASE don’t walk up and hand me boogers. Sweet God throw those away. (Though thank you for not eating them.. yet.)

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I think that’s it for today.

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Forever,

Mommy

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