My life in a blog, most likely rambling.
.. but I work next door so I think I can get these in first. 
.
——
Kids blatantly ignoring me in Colorado. Lo’s fashion sense is superb, folks. Be in awe.
.
Family reunion.
.
For miles along I-70. I think these are wickedly cool.
.
My new living room.
.
Godspeed, Nina. Truly.
That’s my wait time thus far with Time Warner Cable. Which I find interesting because you can’t just call them, you have to put your number in the website and ostensibly they call you when they’re ready to
/
AND STOP.
Yes! Yes, in the ultimate of cosmic practical jokes, as I was literally typing the above sentence, I finally had a live person pick up, just in time to immediately tell me that their BILLING SYSTEM IS DOWN AND THEREFORE SHE CAN NOT HELP ME AT THIS TIME.
Sigh.
I was going to sit out here and type up an update about how I move in two days and I’m not done packing and I don’t have the logistics of the actual move hammered down and I don’t even know if I can drive the damned Uhaul because I don’t know if my insurance on my beloved Xterra has totally expired or just hasn’t been renewed because I can’t find the info because I’m half packed everywhere
..but now I’m just going to go drink a beer and laugh. Because some days that’s just what needs to be done.
More Friday, or next week: whichever comes first with my interwebs hookup. Literally.
Well kids, I’m back. And my trip was, to put it mildly, fairly craptastic. Oy vey I hate when you have such anticipatory excitement about something, and then it doesn’t work out. It exacerbates the disappointment, y’know?
I’m thankful I got to spend a lot of time with my mom and sister, and it was so good to see my grandparents, but the rest of it just.. sucked, really. There was some unexpected tension with my extended family about the divorce, half of the visitors ended up with colds or some sort of stomach issue, the kids were nutjobs on the long drive home, and as soon as I got back a freak thunderstorm knocked power out of my apartment for a couple hours (in 90 some-odd degree heat) and drenched my poor new phone that had fallen out of my bag.
I think the straw, though, the straw that made me almost just lose it altogether, came a few days ago when I realized my (relatively low) credit card limit was suddenly – and arbitrarily - lowered by a couple grand while I was trying to use it for such minor things as, I dunno, gas. A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I was so irate I couldn’t see straight. My card is maxed now, and if they raise the rate – like I’m now learning is just as probable – I will be socked with charges I never would have incurred before, when I was an on-time and regularly paying-over customer. And more infuriating was the conversation I had with the unabashedly apathetic Capital One twit, who basically told me I could take my indignant sputterings and go f*** myself. Turns out apparently a lot of people are having this done to them, because the companies are trying to hurry and bleed us out of even more, before the Federal regulations eventually kick in.
I have such disgust for the ethics of big business it’s almost immeasurable.
But the real kicker of all this to me is not only the frustration that comes with feeling so powerless to that whole machine, but more that I was going to use some of that to cushion the unexpected costs that come when you move to a new place. I have very carefully organized my life such that for this brief time, I needed that. Not because I’m wantonly buying crap at Best Buy, but because I want to know that I can spend a hundred on things like trash cans and shower curtains and other miscellaneous necessities at Target. It’s been difficult for me to continue to swallow my pity-party tendencies these last few months; I’m trying hard to make good choices, and things just seem to keep, well, arbitrarily turning in a direction that has so much impact on my precarious stability. And it’s fine, I’m fine. I promise I know there are so many people who would beg to have my problems if it meant they still had food and shelter, I’m not that self-absorbed. But to know that some (let’s assume far wealthier than I) corporate asshat in a boardroom decided to screw me over just because he still can, blows. It tests my still-stubbornly naive need for fairness in life, I guess.
Blerg. Ok. /end rant.
Who knows, maybe some karmic chain reaction will get to the aforementioned asshat, and he’ll feel compelled to give a COUPLE THOUSAND to a charity serving economically-challenged kids. Let’s hope, eh?
On a lighter note, I got this message in my inbox this morning. I’m so on it because it promised 3k a month for working three hours a day from home. KA-CHING!
A venerable insurance company within the underlying market of
operation, is proud to announce yet another feasible entry for
uprising accounting adepts.
Comfort working environment will most definitely justify the necessity
to excel in the vast sphere of professional goals, and thereof lay a
firm foundation for your career advancement.
Salient associates, with profound work knowledge, will assist you in
unwrapping avocation related techniques, which will best integrate
with the development and popularization of high-caliber insurance
solutions.
Feel free to consider the prerequisites table right below, to amass
the important information.
.
Yup. Totally legit. I’m sure of it.
But before I start my new illustrious career (or go finish my relaxing book in the waning hours left in my vacation), I want everyone to listen to this song I have resoundingly fallen in love with while driving that straight-and-narrow path that is I-70 across Kansas. It’s “Kingdom of Rust” by the Doves. Good stuff, I say.
.
Later, gators. Thanks for letting me vent; it’s good to be home.
I’m supposed to come back Wednesday.
I make no promises.
I swear I had full intentions to post something coherent today; I even tried to set aside time this week to do it. But I think this will be if not an epic fail, at least a substantial one. I’m sorry. I’ve got myself a tidy little cold, and the only positive thing about it is that being this stuffed up, the acoustics in my head when I sing are uhhmaaazing. Other than that I’m drinking vitamin C-laced hot water like crazy, and walking around in a tired fog.
Let’s see.. Jack and Lorelei started swim lessons last week. The gal who is teaching them is an older Jewish (I’m guessing) ex-New Yawker (pretty sure about this one) who apparently used to run an autism program somewhere. Whatever, she’s hysterical and the best teacher for my particular knuckleheads. She’s very (on par with the above-mentioned stereotypes) no-nonsense, and you could tell she was smitten with Jack’s eagerness, which, if you remember from last year, is a tremendous 180. I’m pretty stoked.
I’m also stoked because I’m headed on over to Colorado next weekend with the kids and my mom and sister for a short trip and SWEET JEEBUS I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I NEED THIS.
In exciting news, in a few weeks I’ll be moving into the little blue house that sits next door to the house I work out of! My boss’s brother owns the house (but lives in CA), and is giving me a pretty sweet deal on rent. I’m so excited to do this I am almost unable to verbalize it. Really. That big. So if you’re free any weekend in the next couple months, let me know. Best of all I get my beloved, cantankerous old-man cat, Lucky, back. That grumpy old goat has been with me for almost 12 years, and I miss him something fierce. I might bring that stupid Oscar too, but I think it’s funny hearing the stories Jon tells me about him knocking over the Britta pitcher at night. (Heh. I kid, I’ll see if I can bring them both.)
[So, in an ADD look-a-squirrel sidenote, I've been singing this song non-stop for a few weeks now. It's Band of Horses - "The Funeral", and I was convinced it was a side/new project from the lead singer of Sunny Day Real Estate, but it's not. I'm curious if anyone else thinks they sound the same, though.]
Hmm… Took the kids to the movie Up this weekend and it was.. erm.. disjointed. Odd, mostly. Predictably sweet because it was Pixar, with one particularly sad part, but meh overall. Ironic since they opened with a montage of all the cool movies they’ve made <<scratches head>>. Moving on to television, I’m officially kind of embarrassed to admit that I’ve been watching the first and second seasons of Friday Night Lights. It’s so soap operaish, with every conceivable after-school special theme possible. First season alone they dealt with underage drinking, underage sex, parapalegics, steroids, rape, infidelity, deadbeat dads, deadbeat moms, Alzheimers and football in Texas, of course. But like a fool, I keep watching. Shrug.
(I’m also reading the book The Stone Diaries for my book club, so that renews some brain cells, right?)
And, I think that just about sums up everything I could think to talk about at the moment, my brain now officially hurts. But as a last appeal, if you help me move I’ll give you some of my totally-stolen-from-Hippy-Chick spaghetti sauce, because it’s da bomb.
Have a great week, everyone.
In the car, playing a card game where you ask kids questions to engage their imagination.
Me: “Lorelei, if you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?”
Lo: “A ucorn.”
…
Me: “What is your favorite thing to wear?”
Lo: “My pricess dress.”
…
Me: “What’s your favorite meal, and who would you like to share it with?”
Lo: “Carrots with my ucorn.”
…
Me: “What is your favorite song?”
Lo: “The pricess ucorn song.”
Me: “Where did you learn that one, honey? I don’t know it.”
Lo: “From my ucorn.”
Me: “How does it go?”
Lo: “Lalalalucornmmmmla”
…
Me: “If you could be an astronaut in space, where would you want to go?”
Lo: “To visit my ucorn.”
…
Me: “What’s your favorite movie character? Who do you like to watch best in a movie?”
Lo: “The pricess.”
Me: “Ok, but which one, honey?”
Lo: “Yeah.”
…
Me: “If one of your toys came to life for a day, which one would it be and what would you do to play with it?”
Lo: “My ucorn would dress up like a pricess with me and play tea party.”
…
Me: “What’s the best magic trick you’ve ever seen?”
Lo: “The ucorn is the best trick because ucorns are magic.”
…
Me: “If you could be on a team where you can wear uniforms, what team would you play on and what would your uniforms look like?”
Lo: “My uform would be a pricess dress, and my ucorn would wear a pricess dress too and we’d kick the ball for bassetball.”
.
..Fair enough, I guess.
I just laughed until a wee tear came out of my right eye.
Um… what? Was DIABTES or ROSES or NASCAR already taken or something?
I promise I’m not being overly sensitive because I’m close to the topic, I just think that’s dumb. I mean WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!
But I spent my night watching a sweet, chubby baby be born to one helluva strong mama.
I so win.
First, I’ve totally jumped on the Fleet Foxes bandwagon. This is “Blue Ridge Mountains”. Sometimes they sound almost 50s-ish, but I think this song taps into a CSN&Y sound, with Young being the main comparison to me. Regardless, it’s just a cool band.
So I don’t really have a whole lot of time to delve into big stuff, thus this will be another fairly simple post: updates and pictures. Like everyone else, things are just kind of flying along, with periods of quiet when I try to catch my breath and collect my thoughts.
[Speaking of, I've been thinking lately about the benefits of meditation. I get the point, but how does one center themselves smack in the middle of a stressful moment? Don't you need to be able to be still to access that tranquility? I'm curious.]
Things are picking up at work; I’m understanding things better, and for the most part it’s beginning to click. My doula couple is now technically “past due” [insert placemark for future rant here] and I’m never far from my phone (of which I have a new one, and though I dig it, I’m obviously having a hard time mastering the dumb thing, as the picture of Whomp and me below attests). Jack graduated from Kindy last week, and it’s simply surreal to think that three short years ago he was non-verbal. As in unable to talk or carry a conversation at all. It’s just nutso to think how far he’s come, my sweet, tenacious little fartknocker. I went to a Killers concert recently (SO much fun) and hopefully will go to the Ben Folds coming up (come on out, Baby F!). We also have a float trip the first weekend in June (Seriously, Baby F, I’m not kidding.).
And that’s about it. We’re going to my ‘rents today for a cookout to celebrate a belated Mother’s day, and that sums up the rest of my weekend. Hope all is well out there. Ciao amicos!
…
I just can’t get over how she annihilates an ice cream cone.
Meg and I celebrating her birthday. Apparently in mime paint…
Happy, toothless Jack on the last day of school.
Earlier in the day the candle in the picture below had been both sgaghetti (spaghetti) and lenninade (lemonade), so hours after Lo left and I finally found my glasses, I had to wonder what purpose the glasses served. Possibly something for the characters her brother’s always talking about? Say, a fork for Hookanabaka (Chewbacca), or maybe a straw for Dardader (Darth Vader)?
Trust me when I say the world will never, ever know.
So here’s some irony. Becoming a mother was the single most empowering thing I’ve ever done, and yet I have less control in my life right now then I’ve ever had. Ever.
I have no real address. I have no car (just a loaner I was thankfully, blessedly, graciously given to drive. Don’t mistake my gratitude.). My income is tenuous, at best. Jon and I got into a stupid (but resolved, because we were, in fact, always friends first) fight that only could have happened because of a divorce. I’m in a fairly constant panic about trying to remember bills and and birthdays and events and schedules, because I simply feel un-moored. Adrift, mostly.
At the moment my life is the pause in the movie while the buffering attempts to catch up. You know it will get there, but goddamn it’s torturous waiting sometimes.
Now. Having said that (but not a whole host of other things I could mention), I want to say that I’m not unhappy – mostly because I have a strong and loving group keeping my head above water. And as another cliche proves to be true, I appreciate my moments of happiness much more than I could have known to do before. My life is a helluva lot simpler, somehow, and that’s pretty freeing in a lot of ways. But mostly it’s my kids, in all of their vulnerable, tiring, destructobotic, nomadic, innocent power, that are the only compasses I feel comfortable trusting right now. I don’t know up from down, but I love them and that’s enough to start with.
So, because I’ve got my Girls on, and I’ve been meaning to post some pics of my handiwork lately, I’ll neatly tie this Mother’s day leit motif with ‘Closer To Fine’ and recent pictures.
Have a great day, friends, and don’t forget to tell your mother you love her.
1. I learned today I’ve been writing the ampersand ( &) symbol facing the wrong direction.
2. I have the capacity for a lot of grace. Out of a hundred conversations, I’ve only had maybe a dozen people approach the subject of divorce objectively and/or non-judgmentally. I get that; I really do. It’s a painful thing all-around. But some of the things people have had the audacity to say to me are inexcusably out of line, and though I realize I’m sounding arrogant, I’m trying to say that I get why they said it. It hurts, but I understand the near-impossibility for impartiality. People bring their own crap to the table when this subject comes up, whether they even realize it or not. This is definitely not something I would have known in any other avenue in my life – despite regularly making unpopular decisions - so this really has been a pretty big insight into how people connect.
3. I apparently say the word “asterisk” without the second S consonant. I have zero idea why, since pronunciation is pretty important to me. I also can’t say ‘rear wheel drive’. My mouth sounds like I have palsy when I try to sound it out.
4. I am not so good, in fact, at the little details. I’m totally lying when I say that on my resume. I can spot editing mistakes because I’m a visual learner, but otherwise I’m a total cheddarhead. Know what happens when you realize you’ve made a very stupid mistake after editing 6 images, making a preview sheet, printing aforementioned things off on expensive photo paper, making a .jpg release CD for the client AND burning back-ups of all your work? You feel like a total loser and start over, cussing that you numbered two of the images the same. THANK GOD I’m working for a family that has six children. My boss is a father first, and must have realized he was taking another goober under his wing when he hired me.
5. I am actually capable of athletic competitiveness, even if it doesn’t actually include athletic ability. We played a team in kickball the other night that irritated me so much it was a toss-up between my desire to (as the catcher) sweep the leg of the girl trying to crowd me off the plate (seriously you asshat, it’s friggen KICKBALL) or just miraculously homer the ball and be carried over the plate by my teammates. Which means, of course, that I didn’t get on base for the first time ever in a game. Regardless, I reveled in this new feeling of aggression, and I’d like to learn how to harness it for rude people in customer service positions.
6. Most people probably are good at heart. The mechanic bought my car (sniff, goodbye sweet girl, you were great while you lasted) and is trusting that I’ll actually pay off the rest of my car loan so I can get the title and give it to him. Kansas is wiggedywacked in this regard, and I don’t actually own my car until I pay it off. So I could take his money and run, and he’d never be able to sell the broken piece of crap in his lot, but he risked it anyway. And he gave me a fair price. Good guy.
6. I’m doing some on-line scoring for a company where schools send their standardized testing, and I actually was unable to qualify to score the writing samples of 4th graders in California. Apparently the rubric was just vague enough that despite hours of poring over examples, if they say Joey got a 4, I only gave him a 3. Or I thought Sally didn’t really understand her prompt and gave her a 1, but they say she got a 2. I had to match perfectly on 70% of my qualifying scores and 60% was the highest I was able to do. Holy batman I was pissed off. So they put me on the next assignment, which is to score 5th grade math. If you know me, that’s pretty funny. But, as someone pointed out, I don’t have to actually DO this math. I’ll have the answers right in front of me! No ambiguity! Huzzah! And the best part is that I got a check for a whopping $46 dollars for that infuriating night I spent trying to qualify.
I got paid to fail people, and that kicks ass.
Surely there’s some philosophical lesson in that, no?
OK so I know I’m always the last to join the party, but I’ve never really gotten into TV On The Radio, for no discernible reason. But I am super-liking their newish song, “Family Tree”:
And to start your weekend off with a lip-smacker, on the way home just now, I glanced in the rear view mirror (of the loaner car I’m driving, more on that later) at a stoplight and saw a guy – in his forties at least – digging for gold unabashedly. Like, truly weeviling around in there. So yeah, that’s gross, but whatever, it kinda made me giggle. A short distance later at the next light, I see him digging in his ear in the same fashion. Again, gross, but whatever.
Third light, however? Back to the nose, except now it’s the other nostril.
…
DUDE. DID YOU JUST DISCOVER YOU HAVE HOLES IN YOUR HEAD? MY THREE YEAR-OLD IS LESS FASCINATED WITH THE CONTENTS ON HER FINGERNAIL.
KNOCK IT OFF.
So I blew a friggen headgasket on my beloved 2000 Nissan Xterra, and the cost of fixing it is half the cost of its worth. And I have basically that same amount left on the loan.
My options as presented to me thus far:
1. B/c it’s not showing any signs of this issue (long story how it was discovered), take it to a dealership, play dumb, and get into a different car. Rationale being that dealerships are spawns of the devil and have no worries about screwing over most people. Maybe so, but I have ethical discomfort with this option in the off-chance it would eventually land in the hands of a single mother with two young kids.
2. Sell to private buyer (prob. a mechanic) for cost of loan, start over in different car. Problem is most people wouldn’t want to do the shit-ton of work it will take to fix it, and will want a good deal. I need it to be fairly priced to break even.
3. Take it to dealership as is and go from there.
4. Find a couple thousand under my mattress and fix it. Viable option considering the brand is usually super-dependable and durable, and it’s supposed to be paid off in December. BUT, all parties queried brought up the risk of it happening again. Mechanic specifically mentioned this as worry (and yes, mechanic is friend-of-friend and trustworthy).
Help! Need thoughts and advice por favor. Ready.. go.
